


Call out my name

by luminousgoblin (jeminguay)



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:02:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26195341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeminguay/pseuds/luminousgoblin
Summary: Negan knew way down deep inside, somewhere primal, that you belonged to him. After three years and fifteen failed attempts to leave him, Negan had come to the conclusion that he had to do everything in his power to make you want to stay.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/You, Negan/Negan's Wives (Walking Dead), Rick Grimes/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	1. All I Know

Careful to avoid making any noise, you pressed down on the stainless steel lever. With the handle pressed as far as it would go, you pushed on one of the heavy doors. As discreetly as you could manage, you peered into the communal living space.Sherri and a few of the other wives sat together speaking in hushed tones, but Joey was late as you’d planned for him to be.The bakers had fresh pastries out on the same day each week. You knew he wasn’t about to miss that.

Dropping all pretense, you stood up straight and turned the inner lock.You let the door swing shut behind you and grinned.

“Good Morning.” You called to the women, eager to get the heck out of dodge.

Their eyes gave you an appraising once over. They paused at the sight of the old flannel you had on over your dress.You had squirreled it away for safe keeping and today seemed as good a day to wear it if ever there was one.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Negan’s first wife asked sternly.

“Where ever the wind takes me on this fine day, Miss Sherri.”

You didn’t mean to be rude. You knew that all of these girls had to put up with the boss man same as you.Only they were scared of him, which must feel awful, but you couldn’t risk getting caught just to be polite.

“He’ll be angry.” You heard her call after you, but Negan was always angry. So you didn’t let that stop you.

There was no way of knowing how long you had, but you intended to explore as much of the sanctuary as possible. You had been out of the room before, sure, but you had only seen flashes of the place as you ran past.Then there was the mini-mission you went on two months ago to find out what was making Joey late. Once you figured out what day of the week Pastry day was, it was simple.Third day of every week, Joey headed straight for the bakers and stood in line for a good half hour. You left when they handed him the sweet bread and found you could beat him back to the room.That was the most you had seen of the sanctuary since your arrival and was not the best way, you were convinced, to get to know and appreciate the beauty this place might hold.

The Sunlight felt nice for the first few seconds after you stepped out of your building, but soon enough the humidity ruined the moment.You untied the pumpkin orange ribbon from around your wrist and let it flutter to the ground.You weren’t supposed to take it off, but then again, you weren’t supposed to leave the room either.

You stayed on the greenery beside the road to avoid burning your feet, following the gravel path to the market place.Careful to avoid the baker’s side of the warehouse, you walked idly passed stall after stall of goods and services.Your eyes caught on a table of battered shoes. You recognized the pasty ex-alexandrian running the table.Eugene, he was called.You knew this from the stories Tanya told you at dinner time.Nothing, but a blubbering wuss from the sound of it, so you figured you could handle him.You strode confidently to the front of the line and smiled.

“Excuse me?” You found yourself demanding not two minutes later.You glared at Eugene until he looked away.

“You don’t have credit.”

“The hell I don’t!”

“How many more times do you need me to say it?”Eugene repeated a smirk on his lips.

He leaned back in his chair looking entirely too pleased with himself.

“How fucking dare -” You started to shout, your voice ringing out through the warehouse.

Calling attention to yourself was the last thing you wanted to be doing you reminded yourself anxiously. You scrambled to come up with a different tactic.The corners of your mouth pulled up into a practiced grin that you never thought you would have cause to use again.

“My my,” Injecting sugar into your voice, you leaned across the table until you were nearly close enough to touch him.“Look at you! You’ve been runnin’ with the big dogs long enough to do a halfway decent impression, Eugene.”

Eugene’s shifty eyes widened. “You know my name?”

“Negan only ever talks about one genius with a mullet.”You lowered the volume of your voice conspiratorially, “How fortunate you are that my darling husband hasn’t seen through you yet.” You postured, taking a risk. “Maybe, I ought to help him see you for what you really are?”

“He will never believe you.”

“Why not? It wouldn’t make any sense for me to lie about a man I have never met. All i have to do is call into question your history with the people of Alexandria and make it seem like I feel concerned for his safety.”

Metal chair legs scraped against cement as Eugene pushed his seat back and stood.

“I’m g-going out for a smoke.Them shoes better be the only thing missin’ when I get back.” His trembling lower lip killed any affect his wrathful tone might have had on you.

You snickered at his retreat.

Your white dress fanned out behind you as you hurried away brown leather contraband on your feet, eager to begin your self guided tour.

Building after building of industrial rot, a few rusty tin shacks, and a sad row of herbs and spices later, you found yourself in front of the main building itself.

The Sanctuary’s weather beaten concrete face was made of cruel sharp angles. Her broken windows were yellowing jagged teeth.She stared brutally down at you until you couldn’t bare to meet her eyes anymore and turned, walking brusquely away from her frightening visage.

You turned the next corner only to freeze in your tracks.The wet raspy growling filled your ears before the smell hit you. Walkers.

Your eyes swept from left to right a few times trying to count, to keep track and then you realized, that they weren’t coming for you. There was a chain link fence separating them from you.Your brow knitted.They were tied down.They were, for the most part, stationary.Some chained up, some tied up, some stuck through with pipes.

_Was this Negan’s idea?_

It couldn’t be.You shook the thought away and made for the only corner of the god forsaken place you hadn’t yet visited.

The stolen too-big boots kicked up loose bits of gravel behind you as you headed for the backlot. Little did you know that you had an audience.Eyes followed your trek down the road from the loading dock behind you.

Broken wood pallets, a rusted up old mercury with bullet holes along the side, some old crates, a busted up head board, ruined tires, and tin sheeting lay rotting in the grass.Nearer the chain link fence, lay the final resting place for the few men who managed to stay on good terms with Negan until their last moments. Crude wooden headstones marked with paint stuck out in a bad attempt of making a row.

You slowed down as you reached the end of the pavement and waded into the living green sea of grass hoping not to encounter any snakes.The damp blades were staining the skirt of your dress, but it’d be worth the scolding.A long jagged claw snagged at your dress.

You cursed as you pulled it loose and to your relief found it was a foot and a half of wood that likely came off of one of the pallets.You tossed it aside. Great. Now that you’d gone and torn the thing, he would be extra pissed.

Negan was following you, keeping far enough away not to draw attention.He cursed Fat Joey for letting you out.That idiot was going to pay.He grit his teeth as he watched you wade into the tall grass.Flannel shirt or not you were ruining your dress.Where the fuck was he supposed to find you another dress as nice as the one you had on? The sight of you tugging on your skirt brought his eyes to your bare wrist.You had taken off your bracelet. Did you have any idea how hard it was to come by anything in bright colors these days?Of fucking course not!You were a spoiled selfish ungrateful untamable thing.He was not going to be taking it easy on you this time.He spotted you staring at the barbed wire topped fence and froze.

He didn’t have to imagine you attempting to clamber over the high fence, face full of determination fueled by spite.He would never forget it.Your last attempt to leave made it clear that you didn’t give a shit about your own well-being anymore.Negan cursed under his breath. God help you if you were stupid enough to pull another stunt like that.Yet he knew way down deep inside, somewhere primal, that you belonged to him.After three years and fifteen failed attempts to leave him, Negan had come to the conclusion that he had to do everything in his power to make you want to stay.

Despite the show and the accusations he had made, alternately burning and bashing some person or another, every time you fucked up Negan went easy on you.The second he’d laid eyes on you, he’d chucked his personal rule book out the window. He was afraid that this made him look soft and that burned his pride like nothing else could.

However, women with your body type had always been his preference and He knew, a figure like yours was a rare find these days. He wanted you. Negan wanted to fuck you badly. More than anything, he wanted you to want him to fuck you.It was a frustrating blue balls inducing shit show of a situation.

Charming women had always come easy to him. It was his shit luck that you weren’t easily charmed.The memory of your first meeting came to him as he followed you into the field.

**Long hair pulled back into a braid, a lovely face, enough cleavage showing to catch his eye. Your faded jeans had holes in the thighs and your breathing was heavy from your attempt to out run The Saviors.**

**You looked so darn pretty kneeling before him.You’d had the audacity to meet his gaze. It pissed him off and turned him on in equal measure.Your eyes captivated him.They were burning with resentment, but no tears.Not his Y/n. You didn’t cry, didn’t beg, and didn’t flinch at the sight of Lucille.Not even after he’d dirtied her up a bit.Near the end of his speech ,some traitorous switch inside him had flipped.**

**“Darlin’, You have got a look in your eyes that says you haven’t been fucked right in years.” He drawled smiling his slick easy smile.”Why don’t you come on home with me, I’ll show you how good it can be with a real man.”**

**“You expect me to believe that a bean pole like you can handle curves like mine? Honey, I would eat you alive.”**

**He laughed low and long.The genuine mirth startled everyone, but you.**

**“Come on, baby. Don’t be like that.I just want to love you right.”**

**“Well, I am sorry, Mister Real Man, but your pick up lines are bad jokes at best and that mouth of yours...” You shook your head in disapprov** **al. “So dirty.”**

**You were meant to be his. No doubt about it.**

**“Mmm, there are plenty of good things I can do with this dirty mouth and you are curious to find out, I can tell.”**

**Negan’s big strong hand had fisted into the collar of your flannel pulling you toward him. You stumbled onto your feet to keep from being dragged. Before you could catch your balance, his lips were on yours.**

Unbeknownst to Negan, unlike his bat and savior show the heated kiss he gave you impressed you.He was warm and firm and God he smelled good.

**He had nipped at your lower lip and turned back to what was left of your group.**

**“We are gonna do just fine, Dollface. As for the rest of you sorry shits, You are going to bring me my stuff and then go** **out and get me something nice.”**

**His hazel eyes gleamed down at you. “We’ll consider it a wedding present.”**

**Your exclamation was drowned out by the saviors’ hearty laughter as you were picked up and carried to his truck.**

From the moment Negan made you a wife, you vowed that you would get away from him even if you died trying. After three years and fifteen failed escape attempts, you had come to the conclusion that making him hate you was the only way out of the wives club.

You rummaged through the crates and found quite a few empty glass bottles. They would do. You put them all in the same crate and carried it with you as you counted your steps. You waited until you were at least two yards away to throw the first one.

_Thunk_

Wading further into the tall weeds and grass he frowned at the unfamiliar sound.

“Well I’ll be damned.” You murmured to yourself as you bent to pick up another bottle.

You glared at the Mercury, closed your fist around the neck of the bottle, and swung. It grazed the roof, but landed on the other side of the car.

“Have you lost your freaking mind?”

Your shoulders tensed at the familiar deep baritone of your husband’s voice. You stood there clenching your teeth, frustrated with the intrusion.You schooled your features before turning to face him.

“Hey there, Sugar. What are you doin’ out here?”

Negan came to stand before you, but he didn’t ask the questions you had expected him to ask.Perhaps, Where in the hell did you get shoes? Or How in the hell did you manage to escape a locked room with a savior standing watch?Instead, Negan swallowed his anger and made himself the very picture of patience.

“I could ask you the same question, Darlin’.” He replied.

You stared at him, curiosity battling the wrath within you.

“Well?” Negan prompted after a minute or two of your silence.

Your thoughts raced.

_What the fuck?!Why was he being nice?!He should be letting you have it right now! He should be cussing up a storm!_

“Just... keepin’ busy.”You said lamely.

“In the junkyard? Playing with glass? That’s a hell of a thing for a Queen to do.” He murmured.”You could have hurt yourself.”

You were disgusted by how genuinely concerned he sounded and cringed at him calling you “Queen”.For weeks now, you had been working on him, from picking fights, to ruining belongings, to giving him the cold shoulder. Until finally you’d been able to break out again.You wanted him good and mad and Negan was not cooperating.

You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

“Actually, I haven’t been here long.I walked the whole Sanctuary first then ended up here.”You shrugged and made to pick up another bottle.”It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Who do you think you are?”

You should have known his anger couldn’t stay contained for long.

“Beg your pardon?” You snapped.

“I said,” Negan growled pulling you toward him by your shirt collar, “Just who, in the fuck, do you think you are?” His eyes glowered down at you.

“Y/F/N Fucking Y/L/N.” You declared and kicked at him.

The shock on his face turned to fury. Familiar though the expression was, Negan had never turned it on you.Adrenaline spurred you into action.You yanked out of his grasp and tore through the field.

“Y/n!” He bellowed.

You didn’t dare look behind you as you pushed yourself to run.


	2. What You Need

A painful tightness started in your chest, as the asthma that plagued you since childhood came for you.All too soon, You reached the chainlink fence.Your fingers grasped at it, scraping on the rough metal. Your gaze strayed up to the newly replaced rings of wire around the top.The sight made the scars on your thighs ache with remembered pain.Your weight had pushed those sharp blades so deep into the soft flesh of your inner thighs.You never knew anything could hurt so much. Oh but who had you been kidding with that dumb ass plan? You hadn’t had a snowball’s chance in hell.

“Enough!” Negan growled.

He wrapped his arm around your middle and heaved you backwards.You elbowed him in the side.He made a pained noise at the back of his throat, but he held on tighter.You used your weight to buck away from him, but only succeeded in taking him down onto the damp ground with you.Yelping in surprise, you tried to roll off of him, but he held you in place.

“Do Not Fucking Move.” He panted, his arms locked around your tummy.

You lay there, trying to calm yourself, to catch your breath, but feeling Negan’s chest raise and fall against you was making it difficult.

When your breath came more easily, you rolled onto your side away from him.

“Don’t you dare run.” He warned, sitting up, behind you.“We are going to sit here until we both calm down.Then we are gonna get up and I am going to take you home.End of discussion.Nod if you understand.”

You nodded.

He let out an unmistakable sigh of relief.

You burst into tears.

Taking you by unpleasant surprise, he grasped your hand, firmly interlocking his fingers with yours.

The frustration you had been feeling since he brought you here never went away.The days and months that passed didn’t make it easier to adjust, they only served to mock you.Time melted into a meaningless forever. You spent your days alone.When Negan came back at night to sleep beside you.You wished you could spend your nights alone too.Every breath he took irritated you and those emotions had reached a height of intensity you found overwhelming. There was nothing you could say that would make him understand. Even if Negan was capable of and willing to listen. You made a sound of derision at the very thought.

Neither one of you spoke as you rose slowly from the grass. Still holding onto your hand, he led you quietly out of the field and back onto the gravel.

“Now where in the hell did you get those old boots?”

“I stole them.” You decided you liked the crunchy sound they made against the gravel.

“Why?”

You laughed dryly.

“So that I wouldn’t burn my feet.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

He put on an earnest expression on his face. It looked so out of place you could laugh. Knowing, he would pester an answer out of you eventually, you gave in.

“You go wherever you want.You interact with people all day.I am caged up in that stupid freakin’ dollhouse you call a home and I am always alone.”

“Y/n, I have been coming to see you nearly every night since you got here. You don’t speak to me unless I ask you a direct question and even then you give me the shortest possible answer.” He watched your face carefully as he spoke. What he was looking for, you didn’t know.

“And just what would you like to talk about? I don’t do anything or see anyone all day and you don’t tell me anythin’ about what you do or who you see. From what you have told me, we don’t have shit in common.”

“Because you’ve tried so hard to get to know me?” He scoffed. “You have gotten so good at pretending I don’t exist that sometimes I wonder if I am a fucking ghost.” He shook his head. “Don’t you remember how it was when you got here? I tried to let you have a little freedom. You had all day to make friends with the other girls. But you decided to abuse that freedom time and time again. You left me no choice, but to keep you locked in.” He grimaced in distaste.

“I hate it here.”

He rolled his eyes at you.

“I’m not being dramatic. I am sayin’ ,I spent a good while walking around, looking at this place and what it has to offer and it’s almost as depressin’ as being locked in that room all day.”

“Oh? Well I am sorry, that I didn’t get you a nice big colonial on the best side of town, Princess! I guess I just didn’t realize, that a wrap around porch and a garden were more important to our survival than, heat, water, and electricity. Jesus, Y/n!” A hint of defensiveness cut through his sarcasm.

“Fuck you, Negan.”

He raised one dark eyebrow, his lips parting with the intent to say something biting. You beat him to it.

“Sincerely, Fuck You. You would rather make fun than listen to what I am tryin’ to tell you. That is why I would rather ignore you than get to know you.”

His expression sobered as a man you didn’t recognize came toward you.

“We’re about finished unloading, boss.”

Negan stared at you hard.

You looked at the gravel.

“Boss?”

“Simon, I need you to take _this_ ,”He put his hand on your shoulder, “back to my room. I doubt if Fat Joey even realizes she’s missing.”

“I’ll deal with him.” Simon promised, cocking an eyebrow at your disheveled state.

Negan gave you a gentle push in his direction. You watched as he walked away without so much as glancing back at you. The swagger in his step was getting on your last nerve.

“The way you look at him is downright pervy.”

You raised your eyebrows at this observation.

“What?”

“You want him.” Simon said simply.

Your sharp intake of breath made Simon smile.

You made it as far as the main building’s stairway before he spoke again.

“Take ‘em off.” He ordered.

“Wha-“

“Take the fucking shoes off.”

You did as you were bid, then followed him up the stairs and down the long corridor.

“You’re wrong, you know? I don’t want him.”

“Mhmm” He didn’t believe a word of it.

You sighed.

Simon led you through what felt like a maze until you saw a door you recognized.

The wives would be staring daggers at you when they found out how pissed he was.You felt embarrassed, but held your head high just the same.

Simon pulled the door opened and there was a collective gasp.

“Hello Ladies, long time no see.” He called semi-cordially and continued on to the bedroom’s double doors currently flanked by the guard you had eluded.

“Care to explain this to me?” He asked putting you front and center.

“I didn’t...I don’t... know how she got out.”

Simon decked him mercilessly.

The man grabbed at his nose, moaning in pain.

“She gets away from you again, you’re gettin’ demoted to the chainlink fence defense team,You dig?.”

Joey nodded hastily, his eyes wide with fear.

You didn’t blame him.Becoming a walker would be your nightmare come to life.

Simon took a key out of his pants pocket and unlocked the door.

You expected him to close the door behind you, but he followed you into the room.

You sat down on the bed and watched nervously as Simon paced the sitting area.You had seen him a few times from the window and once in a while, Negan had him over for drinks. You stayed on the far side of the room busying yourself with your ipod and glaring at them-You didn’t want them getting any ideas-intermittently.Simon ignored you on all of these occasions and now here he was in your room, exuding frustration and anger.

I didn’t wanna be the one to have ta do this, but it looks like I don’t have a choice.” He looked you in the eye and cursed.

“First of all, let me be frank, I don’t feel sorry for you.Not one bit.You women said yes. Negan asked you if you wanted to work for him or marry him, you chose to marry him.Me and the Saviors, we work our asses off so that the princesses of the gawd damn castle get to live in comfort.You brats could give a shit about the sweat and blood spilled so long as you get to put your feet up.”

You stared at him, your eyes wide as saucers.

“So you have to put out every once in a while, so what?” He threw his hands up, his face rife with sarcasm. “You haven’t had to kill a single walker since you became a Missus!You haven’t had to do anything and yet you cause problems!You have been a pain in my ass for three years and for what? ‘Cause you can’t make up your mind? If you weren’t so,” Simon gestured vaguely at the air around you, “cute, You would have gotten either the iron or the bat by now and my life would be that much easier.”

You took a deep breath and let it go.

“Negan isn’t going to let this go on for much longer.I have lost men.Not very fucking good ones, granted, but I have lost some of my crew because of you.”

“Because of me?” You said incredulously.

“Yeah, because of you.What do you think happens after we lock Rapunzel back in her tower, huh?Negan holds a meeting and some poor asshole pays the price for your screw up.”

You swallowed thickly at the revelation.

“It is high time you get with the program, Doll.You make Negan happy, you live.You piss him off, you suffer.You keep pissing him off, You’ll suffer ‘till you die.You keep poking the bull, you’re gonna get the horns.Understand?”

You nodded.

“Great. So, if you die, it’s one hundred percent on you.” He stood there with his hands on his hips, seeming much calmer than he had when he came in.

“Simon?”

He looked at you expectantly.

“You weren’t there, the night he came for us. So, for the record, he never gave me the option to work.”

He frowned, his brow creasing.

“I am sorry that I caused trouble for other people.I didn’t know that anyone would have to pay for what I did.Anyone other than me anyway.”

He scrutinized you warily.

“I’m Negan.Please tell me you don’t think you can change that with a little lie?”

“This isn’t about Negan.It’s about what _you_ think of me.I didn’t want to be rude, but, you’re wrong.I didn’t choose to be with him.He chose me and didn’t care what I wanted.”

“Are you fucking-“ He sucked his tooth and huffed. “Everyone knows Negan’s number one rule is -“

“Pussy’s gotta be willin’?” You finished disdainfully. “I haven’t slept with him.”

Simon laughed like it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

“What the fuck, You expect me to believe that in all this time...?”

You gazed up at him, grimacing bitterly.

“Shit.” He scratched at his receding hairline. “You won’t give him any.That’s why he puts up with it, cause you’re a fucking tease.Well, I’ll be.” He said amused.

The door to the outer room opened, banging loudly as the door bounced back on its hinges.

“I won’t take up anymore of your time, Mr. Simon.” You dismissed him in the calmest voice you could muster.

He gave you a quizzical look.

“Everything alright in here?” Sherri asked in a sickly sweet voice.

“It’s fine.”You chimed. “He was just leaving.”

Simon looked from you to Sherri curiously as he left.He wasn’t sure what the deal there was and didn’t care to stick around and find out.

“Well, he was in here for quite sometime.” She commented when he was out of earshot.

“Mhmm, unfortunately he spent it scolding me for going out again.”

“What?”

“He’s kind of handsome. Don’t you think?” You smiled wryly.

Sherri looked scandalized.

You laughed.


	3. Real Life

* * *

Negan didn’t come to you that night nor any night for the next week and a half. He had Frankie bring him a fresh change of clothes one morning.

“I don’t know what you said to him,” She commented, “but if I were you I would take some time to come up with a real good apology.” You watched her move frantically around the room.

“Negan never apologizes.Why should I?”

She paused to glare at you with her hand still rooting around in his sock drawer.

“I’m not in the habit of apologizing when I’m not sorry.”

“Fake it!” She hissed.”We shouldn’t have to take the heat every time you fuck up.”

Guilt twisted your stomach. As Simon’s words came back to you.

**_“I have lost men...because of you.”_ **

You hated Negan.You wanted out of this stupid sham of a marriage, but your conscious couldn’t abide you letting other people pay for Negan’s actions.

“I’ll try.” You promised Frankie.

You had been trying for the past four days.You thought about it so much that the words stopped making sense.

“Uugh.” You groaned plopping down on the couch.

“I’m sorry...sorry you’re such an asshole.” You said tiredly to the room at large.

You would have laughed, if you hadn’t been reminded of who was suffering the consequences.

“Amber!”

You cringed at the anger in his voice.

“What the hell is this?”

She spoke so softly, you couldn’t make out her response.

“It’s fucking flavorless is what it is.I’m not eating this shit.You go down to the kitchen and get me something else.”

You covered your face in your hands.

“I don’t know.Surprise me.”

You took a deep breath and let it out. Repeated the exercise three more times and stood up.

Determined to put an end to his tantrum, you went to the double doors and knocked.

You held your breath, waiting.There was no response.

You gave it another minute.

Nothing happened.

You knocked louder, feeling more cowardly by the second.

“I’m sorry.” You said to the silence.

One of the wives cleared her throat.

You took the hint and spoke more loudly “I messed up.I was,” You licked your lips nervously. “out of line.”

The lack of response was making you anxious.

“I’m sorry.” You repeated, tremulously. “I’m very sorry.”

Seconds passed slowly as you listened hard for a laugh, a curse, any indication that he was listening.

You were so focused that you jumped when the door handle began to turn.

Your eyes filled with tears when they met Tanya’s.She was scared and for once, you were too.

“He wants-“

“Get your ass over here.” Negan called impatiently.

It took you a minute to get moving.Your heart was jumping in your chest as you followed Tanya to the long black leather sofa he was reclining on.

“Now, what were you mumbling about in there?” He prodded.

Unable, to handle looking into the depths of his fiery whisky irises, you kept your eyes on his knees.

“I’m sorry.” You professed, rubbing your arm anxiously.

“Sorry?” He repeated doubtfully.

“Y-yes. I shouldn’t have said...what I said and,” You swallowed nervously, “I never should have left. I see that now.I want- no, n-need to apologize.I’m very sorry.

“You’re very...something.” He conceded after making you twitch under his stare for a long moment. “But sorry ain’t it. You wanna know what I think?” He didn’t wait for a response, “I think, that if you were really sorry, you‘d make it up to me.”

Your face went hot with embarrassment.

“Help, Y/N out, Ladies. What would you do for my forgiveness?”He drawled.

“Anything.” Tanya replied quickly, the word was echoed by the group of women around you.

Grabbing onto the first idea that came to you, you closed your eyes and stopped holding back your tears.

They rolled slowly down your cheeks, as you got onto your knees. If there was one thing Negan loved it was humiliating people. So, You pushed aside your pride and put on a show.

Bowing your head, you apologized to your husband.

“I’m sorry that I disobeyed you.I am so sorry that I disrespected you.”Your throat worked to unstick the terrible phrase you knew you had to use. “I can’t stop thinking about what I’ve done.It hurts to know how angry you are with me. Even though I know I deserve it.Darling, I can’t sleep without you.I miss you so much.”You choked back a sob.

“I n-need you.” You sniffled.

“Come here.” His long fingers beckoned.

You opened your eyes, but still didn’t attempt to make eye contact.Your pride ached like a decaying tooth as you started to crawl.

“What-“ His breath caught in his throat as he watched you.

You didn’t stop until you were kneeling between his spread legs.You could feel his heavy gaze upon you.You gambled as though you had nothing left to lose.You reached up and unbuckled his belt.You undid the top button of his pants and for one awful second you feared that he would let you continue.

“Alright.” He caught your hands with his, keeping you from lowering the zipper.

“Alright, I believe you.”

You looked up into his eyes.

“I’ll never do it again.” You vowed soberly.

He leaned in.There was a meanness in his eyes you had never seen before.One of his hands fisted in your hair, he tilted your head back, forcing you to look up at him

“Oh I know, you won’t.Because if you do, I will make you hurt in ways you didn’t know you could.”The strong smell of whisky on his breath astounded you.

After a tense moment, he relaxed his grip on your hair and leaned back into the sofa.

You looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since you had entered the room.

Negan had a few days worth of salt and pepper stubble on his chin and a split lip.Your eyes caught on the shiner he was sporting on his left cheek bone.

His hair was uncombed and his chest was bare except for the bandage around his middle. You had never seen him so disheveled, it disturbed you in a way you were not prepared for.

A knock sounded at the door. Frankie answered it, letting Doctor Carson in. You attempted to get out of the way, but Negan still held your hand in his.

“Stay.” He commanded sharply and put your hand to rest on his thigh.

You stayed stalk still for the entirety of his check up, except for the gasp you couldn’t help but emit when you saw the vivid purple bruises the bandage had been covering.

The doctor gave him some Vicodin and told Negan he would be back to check on him in the morning.

Negan petted your hair and stroked your face.You lay your face against his leg and allowed it.

That night, Negan insisted on being taken to his bedroom. It took four of you to manage, but you got him settled in the end.

Once you were alone he didn’t try to hide his discomfort and pain from you.Instead, he took on a pitiful tone, that annoyed you because it moved you.He demanded that you be the one to take care of him.Claiming not to trust the other girls. You knew that wasn’t the truth.Negan had seen the sympathy in your eyes and heard your horrified gasp.He knew you were feeling sorry for him and was milking that for all it was worth.

He had you wiping sweat from his brow, fluffing pillows, and guilted you into spoon feeding him the stew that Amber brought in.He gave you a sleepy smile as he watched you set the tray onto the side table.You shook your head in disapproval, but smiled back at him anyway.

“You are really something you know that?” You drawled.

Negan licked his lips in that annoyingly attractive way of his and lifted an eyebrow, suggestively.Then he asked you to do something even more unusual.

“Under your side of the bed there’s a lock box. I want you to open that up for me. The key’s under the mattress.”

You got the box, opened it, and hissed.

“Negan! I am not watching dirty movies with you!” You complained, staring down at a couple of stacks of untitled black dvd cases.

He laughed, a deeply rich sound that sent a rush of heat flowing over your skin.

“Do I look like I’m in the mood to get it on right now?Come on,Princess.Just do me a favor and open one.”

Against your better judgement you did so and grinned. ‘When a man loves a woman’ was written on the face of a burned dvd. You peered up at him.

“Still too dirty for you?”

“Oh, much too dirty.”

He gave you a small smile.

“There are more.Take your pick.”

You opened each case and wondered what Simon and the others would think if they knew Negan owned the movie,The Bridges of Madison County.

You rummaged until you found something you wanted.You ended up putting on a film called, Entrapment.You sat beside him, reclining against the head board.Negan laid his head in your lap.

Five minutes in, you heard him chuckle.

“What?”

He glanced up at you, amused.

“It’s interesting how your mind works, baby. That’s all.”

You frowned, unsure of what he meant, but taking offense anyway.

“So, you’re not trying to tell me something by picking a movie about an older man who is both charming and bad ass” He gestured towards himself, “hooking up with a younger woman who’s hell bent on breaking rules and a huge fuckin’ tease?”He ran one big hand along your calve, suggestively.

“I’ve never seen it before.” You chided.You left out the real reason you had chosen the film...your crush on Sean Connery.

“Mhmm...” He turned his attention onto the movie, a smug smirk on his lips.

You ignored his flirting and became quickly enthralled with the plot. A thief vs thief tale of rivals turned allies turned lovers, with a hint of comedy and the perfect amount of sexual tension.You were spell bound.

As you watched, you absently ran your fingers through Negan’s hair.The comforting touch eventually soothed him to sleep.

You woke with a start the next morning, a dream turned nightmare still ringing in your head. Strong arms pulled you into a large warm body.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Negan’s voice gruff with sleep, murmured in your ear.

You took a breath to tell him, but burst into tears instead.

“Shh shh shh, You’re alright.You’re safe.Nothing is going to happen to you.I’m here.”

You squirmed in his arms, until he let you turn to face him.

His hazel eyes regarded you curiously.

“You.killed.me.” You glared at him accusingly, hot tears spilling down your cheeks. “I was one of them. One of the roamers, because you killed me. I ate...I ate...” You covered your mouth “Oh God.”

You sobbed into your hands, your eyes wide with terror.

“Y/n.” Negan tried to move your hands away from your face. “Hey, look at me, Y/n. Look at me.”

Your eyes warily met his.

“That would never happen.”

“You said you would hurt me! You’ve threatened to kill me!” Your words picked up speed as anxiety gripped you.

Negan groaned.

“I say what I have to say in front of them. If they think I’m even a little bit soft on you.This whole operation caves in like a house of cards.Baby, They would come for you to get to me.I promised to keep you safe and I will say whatever I have to, to do it. Can you understand that?”

You nodded, even though you didn’t.

“Y/n. I promise to keep you safe.”

You shook your head. “You can’t promise that.”

He frowned.

“I could die of an asthma attack or fall down the stairs. You can’t promise to keep me safe from everything.”

He sighed, exasperated.

“All right, then, I promise that if you die-“

“When.When I die.” You corrected anxiously.

“If you die before I do, I will put you down so you don’t turn.”

“And?”You prompted.

“And what?”

“And you’ll burn me.”

His face twisted in disgust.

“I don’t want to be eaten.”

“Y/n what the absolute fuck?”

“Promise me that you’ll burn me. If you care about me at all-“

“I promise you, that no matter how paranoid you’re being and how gross that is,I’ll burn you instead of just burying you like a normal person.” He sighed, with an all suffering expression.

You buried your face in his neck and broke into fresh tears.

His large hand ran along your back in a comforting gesture.


	4. As You Are

This was far from your first walker nightmare, but it was the first time you told him about it.He kissed the top of your head and held you close even after your tears stopped.You wrapped your arm around his side.Negan flinched and you immediately withdrew.

“Oh! Oh I’m so sorry!”

“It’s...I’m okay.” He insisted, pulling you back toward him.

“You’re not -“

“Carson will come check on me soon, but for now, come here.”

You were careful not to put any pressure on the area near the bandage this time, as you settled into his embrace.

It was nice.Comforting to be snuggled up like this. He had stripped down into his boxers during the night. This was the closest to naked he had ever been in front of you. Not for a lack of trying on his part.You had always made an effort to ignore him completely, when he dressed or undressed in front of you.Today felt different.It felt intimate and comfortable.

The doctor came to check on Negan. Your expression must have given away your emotions, as you got up to get the door.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, Baby. I’m you’re husband.” Negan reminded, gently.

Hearing him say that made you feel even more embarrassed.

Your husband.You considered the idea as Dr Carson removed the bandage from his torso. A good looking man, Negan certainly was that. The thought that everyone assumed you were having sex with him was embarrassing to you. You hadn’t let him see you naked, or touch you.Not once.The only kisses you shared had been stolen.You would never admit it to him, but Negan was great at kissing. Being kissed by Negan was mind-numbingly profound. When his lips were on yours you could only focus on the man, the moment, and the feelings he elicited in you.

Part of you cringed at this admission so you shook that realization away and considered other aspects of his personality. He was assertive, clever, ambitious, and charming.These were traits you had admired in potential partners before the dead came back to life. And despite the scarcity of resources these days he had found a way to be a good provider. He was tall, had a beautiful smile. He wanted to have children and for reasons you didn’t understand he was into you.You had denied him for three years and he had yet to give up on you.You certainly could do a lot worse, You mused.

“You will need to stay off your feet for a few more days.” The Doctor recommended.”And might I suggest little to no sexual activity.”

Your nose wrinkled at that remark.

Negan reached over and squeezed your thigh.

“Well, Doctor we’ll give it a try, but with an appetite like Y/n’s, I can’t make any promises.” He teased.

“Negan!” You batted his hand away.

The doctor didn’t laugh.

“Yes, well, do try.” Carson handed you another Vicodin and let himself out of the room.

“He thought you were being serious.” You complained, as you got up to serve him a glass of tap water.

“So?”

“So, I don’t like people thinking or talking about my sex life.It’s weird and it makes me uncomfortable.”

“What sex life?” Negan scoffed bitterly.

“Ugh the idea they have of my sex life is just...” You shook your head disapprovingly.

“It bothers you that people think you’re fucking me?”

“Don’t call it “fucking” that’s so vulgar.” You offered him the pill and the glass of water.

“I’ll call it whatever the fuck I want.” He took the pill and drank the water.

“Not when it’s in reference to me you won’t!”

He made a derisive noise into the cup.

You glared at him.

“It isn’t like we’ve ever fucked anyway so what does it matter?”

You crossed your arms.

“That’s not the point!”

“Then what the hell is?”

You closed and opened your mouth several times trying to respond, but the words wouldn’t come.

“Unless...”

“Unless what?” You huffed.

“Unless you’re planning to fuck me sometime in the future?” He goaded watching you fidget under his stare.

“Yeah well maybe I was considering it.” You grumbled, taking the empty glass from his hand.

His eyes widened at that.

It was satisfying to leave him speechless for once.

You placed the cup carefully onto last night’s dinner tray and knocked steadily on the door.

Tanya came and you handed her the tray.

“Amber will be back with breakfast soon.” She mentioned. Her eyes went from Negan to you and back again.

“Great!” You answered faking cheerfulness and thinking of what the least rude way of ushering her out of the room would be. “That’s great!”

You stole a glance at Negan from the corner of your eye. He was grinning at you wolfishly.

“So what do you find most attractive in a man?” Negan asked later that afternoon.

You picked up his lunch-tray and sighed.

“I like a man that knows his place.A man that cooks and cleans and most importantly, a man who knows when to be quiet.”

You pressed your lips together to keep your laughter in and took the tray to Tanya.

“You have got a weird sense of humor.” He called after you.

You shut the door.

“Well what can I say? I worked in customer service not stand up comedy.”

“Smart ass.”

“Yet another reason you should divorce me.”

“What was the first reason?”

You opened your mouth to say something cutting, then caught Negan clutching at his side and thought better of it.

“Do you want me to ask if you can have another pill?”

“No.” He shifted positions and his breath hitched from the pain. You went over to his side and tried to help him.

“I’ve got it.” He insisted waving you away. “I don’t need coddling.”

“Oh you don’t?” You kept your expression neutral. “So you won’t mind if I ask Sherri to take over?” 

“Whuh- No!” He winced.

“No.” He repeated firmly. “You have to help me.”

“Then drop the attitude and Let me.”

You stared each other down.For a long moment you thought he would let you go and get Sherri after all, but then he sighed in frustration.

“Alright fine. I will let you help me, but I will need one hundred percent of your attention and co-operation.”

“Co-operation with what?!” You demanded backing away from the bed.

“Co-operation with whatever I need.”

“Because tricking me into saying ‘yes’ still counts as my being willing?” You accused. “You are sick.You are a nasty nasty man.” 

“Oh Baby, I am nasty.” He asserted. “And I am sick in ways you haven’t even imagined, but dirty old pervert or not-“

“Shhh you need your rest.” You shook out the cover and helped him into a more comfortable position.

“This isn’t over.We’ll continue this later.”

“Sure we will.” You supplied easily and put on another film.

The next few days were spent Negan sitting. Loathe though you were to admit it, he was good company. You talked of life before the geek-pocalypse, from memories of childhood to your first time.You hadn’t felt so open in years.Your inhibitions lowered one by one. You had such trouble reconciling the monster who had killed your group leader with the man who held you close each night, spoke to you in dulcet tones and promised to fight your fears for you.

Even now, sitting on the sofa with Negan’s head in your lap and a forgotten Jane Austen novel in your hand, you puzzled over the dichotomy.

“What you reading there?”Negan sat up, his long fingers plucked the book from your hands.

“Hey!”

“More May/December romance, huh?” He teased, waggling his eyebrows at you.

You frowned.

“For your information.They were both considered old in that time period.”

He licked his lips, his eyes filled with mischief.

“You don’t have to do that you know?”

“Do what?” You asked distracted.

“Fantasize.” Negan leaned up and tossed Persuasion onto the coffee table.

The intensity in his gaze made you hyper aware of how close his face now was to yours.

“If you want me to fill your sweet little cupcake with cream, all you have to do is ask.” His baritone voice was smooth as butterscotch.

It took a second for you to take in his meaning. You scrambled away from him and tumbled ass first onto the floor.

It didn’t phase him in the least.

“I want you.” He insisted, hazel eyes blazing into yours. “I want you every single way I can possibly have you.”

“Stop it.” You rubbed at your lower back and got up onto your knees.

“I want you underneath me, warm soaking wet and moaning.I want you to scream my fucking name so loudly the entire Sanctuary hears you coming for me.”

“Stop saying that!” You cried out.

You got onto your feet hoping it would give you a clearer mind.Though you had to admit, you were every bit as frustrated as you were intrigued by the idea of sex with Negan.

”Why should I? I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you. I’m tired of holding my tongue to protect your sensibilities.” Negan drew a deep breath to continue ranting.

You burst into laughter.

“Eggshells! That’s too good!”

“You think this is fucking funny?” He growled.

You wiped away the last tears from your eyes as your mirth subsided. 

“Yes. I do.” You said still clutching your belly.

“I am trying to be honest here and you are makin’ fun of me.” There was a blatant warning in his voice.

It should scare you and yet, you smiled.You hadn’t felt this giggly in a long time.You were loathe to end it, but Negan was sitting there trying to kill you with a glare.

“I watched you get a hard on minutes after you metme.You made sexual remarks about my body and about having sex with me the entire time. You have made passes at me nearly everyday since.When are you walkin’ on eggshells, Huh?”

“Oh sweetheart, if you could only read my mind. I say less than half of what I want to say when I am around you.”He divulged with a smirk.

“So I should applaud you for having a fourth of a shred of human decency?” You proposed.

He shook his head back and forth in negation of your tone.

“You should be thankful that I managed to keep that shred despite everything I have had to do to keep you alive.” He bit off angrily. “You should be grateful that I still give a shit if you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ a lesser man would-would...” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You made the choice for me.You didn’t make it for anyone else.Why?”

An uneasy silence fell over you both. There was no good enough reason, nothing Negan could say to justify his actions would suffice.

“Maybe,” He cleared his throat. “Maybe, I thought you were better off being miserable with me than being miserable with some other asshole who couldn’t give you the life you deserve.”

“The life I...” You trailed off, turning away from him.

The life you deserved.Didn’t he realize what that implied? It implied he cared about the quality of your life, that he cared about your comfort.Worst of all it implied that he was capable of caring about anything other than himself. It isn’t sweet! And it sure as hell isn’t romantic! You scolded your traitorous thoughts.

“You’re irredeemable.” You murmured as one tear and then another rolled down your cheeks.

“Are you ... crying?” Negan sounded shocked.

“N-no, I’m not!”

“Y/n,” He beckoned you over to his side.

You went and sat by him, but kept your eyes on your feet.The man could smell weakness from a mile away. You could only imagine what he must be thinking of you right now.

Ever so gently, he brushed your tears away.You gasped at the unexpected contact.

“You deserve to be taken care of.” He cupped your jaw in his hand. “You deserve more than I can give you.”

You gazed into his eyes, searching.

“But I am willing to bet everything I own that there isn’t another guy out there who can provide for you at the same level I can.”

Unable to detect any artifice, you came to the conclusion that he genuinely meant it.

“And there sure as shit isn’t one who-“

You silenced any further confession he might have made, with a kiss.You meant to keep it light, a teasing brush ofyour lips, but Negan’s hand curled at the nape of your neck, pulling you closer.The heat in the way his lips embraced yours spoke of ardent longing.You kept still, allowing him to change the pace.His kiss was slow, thorough and claiming. When his tongue glided gently over yours, you delighted in his greedy moan.

The door opened with a loud bang. You scrambled back onto your feet.

Sherri strolled in eyeing you with suspicion.

Struggling to control your ragged breathing, you made your way to the seat opposite Negan.


	5. Wicked Games

“Hey there, Handsome.I came to see how you’re doing.” Sherri sat beside him.Her sly look stained the validity of her concerned tone.

“Fair to Middlin’.” He replied easily.

Sherri took his hand in hers and began speaking to him in an irritatingly sweet voice.

The familiarity between them rankled.So you picked your book back up from the coffee table and attempted to read.

**_Unintentionally she returned to that part of the room; he saw her, and, instantly rising, said, with studied politeness--_ **

You could feel him staring at you.You kept your gaze on the text.

_**"I beg your pardon, madam, this is your seat;" and though she immediately drew back with a decided negative, he was not to be induced -** _

“I had a dream about you.” Sherri purred.

Your eyes strayed from the page, catching on his thumb stroking soothingly over the back of her hand. You felt a twinge of envy at the sight.Negan lifted her hand to his lips and laid a gentle kiss there.You forced yourself to focus on the next line.

**_-to sit down again.Anne did not wish for more of such looks and speeches._ **

“Did you now?” He smiled at her, a bright flash of straight teeth that lit up the features of his handsome face. His stupid dreamy handsome face. 

Sherri giggled an attractive titter.You were beginning to hate her.You held the book closer to your face.

**_His cold politeness, his ceremonious grace, were worse than anything._ **

“What kinda dream?” Negan asked.

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears. 

“I dreamed we were walking through an apple orchard.The trees were full and we-“

“Did he bone you against the tree or in it?” You shot off from behind your book.

“Not everything is about sex.” Sherri huffed.

“Sure.” You uttered still pretending to read.Your fingers curled around the cover.You were so ready for a fight.

 _Try me bitch just try me_ You wanted to scream. 

“Somethin’ wrong,Y/n?” His voice was like icing over warm cake.He had no right to sound like that.How dare he have the ability to turn your brain to mush.

You grit your teeth.

“You’ll have to forgive her.” Negan apologized. “Her kitty is starving for attention.”

You threw the book down and stood.

“My ‘kitty’ and I are doing just fine without your help thank you very much and I’d prefer it if you refrained from referring to that particular part of my body as-“

“You don’t like kitty?Would you prefer honeypot?”

You glared.

“No?How about fuck hole?”

“You’re the only fuck hole in this room.You son of a -“

“I’m glad you’re feeling a little better.” Sherri wore an tight anxious smile.

She retreated much faster than she had appeared.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Negan demanded.

“What’s wrong with me?!” You shook your head.“You are the one that-“

“I was having a pleasant chat with an old friend. Is there a reason you felt the need to inject yourself into that conversation?”

“I didn’t ask for this!”

“For what?”

“To be with a man that has four other wives! I can’t handle it!” You hugged yourself in an attempt to keep it together.“I can’t have feelings for you and then turn them off when it isn’t my turn.”

“You have feelings for-“

“I was better off hating you!” You blinked back tears. “You should have let me keep hate you!”

You shut yourself in the bathroom and locked the door behind you.

You didn’t speak to him for days after that horrible afternoon. He couldn’t honestly have expected for you to fall in love with him and just step willingly into fifth place could he?

Negan ignored you right back at first. It was as close to peaceful as you could hope for you supposed.

But nothing lasts forever you thought gloomily amidst the next battle with your husband.

You had managed not to royally piss Negan off until today.He’d caught you looking out the window at the Saviors as they rejoiced in the rain.

The last few weeks of humidity had been torture. They however, got to spend time outside.While your whole day was limited to the parlor and the bedroom.You missed having a real purpose.You used to scavenge and collect supplies with your own group.You used to be useful.You were so caught up in your brooding, you didn’t hear Negan enter the room.

Boisterous laughter from the men outside spilled in through through a window.Simon caught your gaze, his chocolate colored eyes twinkled with merriment as he removed his shirt and enjoyed the cool rain.You gave him a small smile.Negan appeared beside you. He peered out the window just in time to see Simon smile back.

“There is only one man you have any right to be eye fucking like that and it’s me.” Negan chastised you.

“The man is surprisingly ripped and takes his shirt off right in public where any old body can see.I’m only human.I can’t help it.” You didn’t know why you said it.Though they were nice to look at, you hadn’t been interested in Simon’s abs.

His sharp intake of breath had you biting your lip to hide your satisfied smirk.

“You are my wife dammit!As your husband I expect you to be loyal to me, to respect me!”

“Loyal?” You scoffed.“This coming from the man that has,” You gestured vaguely, “remind me again, how many wives?”

“Oh that is such horse shit! You haven’t said a word to me in weeks! Are you really gonna stand there and judge me for fucking a woman who’s ready and willin’?”

Your shoulders tensed.

“Who’s the better lay, Frankie, Amber, Tanya or Sherri?”You said their names mockingly.

Your stinging pride aggravated you.

“Don’t pretend to be jealous.We both know as long as you don’t have to be the one to put out you don’t give a shit who I’m fucking.”

Hurt and frustration gave you the words that you knew would wound him enough to send him away.

“You’re right.”You kept your voice devoid of emotion. “I don’t care who you look at and I sure as hell don’t care who you’re sleeping with.”

“One more word and I will lock you up and throw away the key.”Negan warned.

He didn’t mean it, but you didn’t know that. After all, he said it with such finality.You could not bring yourself to say anything.You turned away instead.He slammed the door shut on his way out.

The vindictive stunts escalated quickly after that.Negan orchestrated a plan to get you to walk into the parlor and “catch” Frankie giving him a blow job.You flirted with whichever Savior happened to be offered a free pass right before his eyes.Negan invited Tanya into your bed and when he didn’t try to kick you out, you sat yourself on the sofa and flipped through an old Home & Garden magazine willing yourself to keep an air of nonchalance about you through the whole event.When it came time for Tanya to go back to her own bed, you wished her a good night and sweet dreams, then turned your back on him and slept on the couch.

Things finally came to a head the day he gave Simon a free pass.Negan assumed Simon would know better than to choose you. Surely a logical man would have resentment towards the person responsible for so many dead Saviors. Simon was not a logical man. His eyes sparked with recognition and a little something more when he saw you.

“Long time no see, Babycakes.” He looked you over, licked his lips and grinned.

“Would you like something to drink?”

You couldn’t deny that Simon had certain charisma about him.It was mostly physical attraction, but partly how he carried himself.He exuded confidence and the capability not only to do whatever he wanted to, but to do it well.You imagined that this ability followed through to the bedroom and likely made him an enthusiastic and creative lover.

It’s not like Negan’s gonna touch me anytime soon, you thought bitterly.

Simon followed you to the built in bar and let you pour him some whisky. 

“How’s the married life treating you?” He was only half teasing.

You laughed mirthlessly.

“Bout as well as can be expected given the circumstances.”

”Sex with the boss not as great as you imagined?” He took a sip from his glass.You watched his throat work as he swallowed.

You wondered if he would go down on you. That was something you would thoroughly enjoy

“I still haven’t ...” You trailed off.

“I have no idea how you get away with it. If you were my woman, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of you.” Simon bit his lower lip.

You knocked back your whisky like it was a shot.Your chest felt warm, your throat dry, unpleasantly so.

“So, I have a free pass.” He said boldly. “And frankly, I’d like to be balls deep in you.”

“Is that supposed to be a question?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Would you like me to be balls deep in you, eat your nice fat ass, slurp the cum out of your exquisite pussy?”

You grinned at that.He was almost charming.Initially you decided if he got to asking, you would turn him down, but now you weren’t so sure. You llicked your bottom lip, feeling a little bold yourself and leaned in to give him your answer.The sight of a dark figure in your peripheral vision stopped you dead in your tracks.

“Jesus, Dollface. You’re keeping me in suspense here.Do you want ta fuck me or -“

“Well aren’t we getting friendly over here.” Negan’s eyes flashed dangerously.

“Are you...jealous?”The question slipped out of your mouth, you kept your face a mask of impassivity.

“Not at all.Being jealous would imply that I have a reason to worry about you betraying me.”He answered you, but his eyes were on Simon.

“Should I be worried, Y/N?” Negan’s voice was smooth as ever, but did not carry the hint of humor it so often had in the past.

A vision of Lucille coming down upon Simon caused the smile to die on your face.Your husband was watching you carefully, his expression dark.Coming, you decided, no matter how deliciously was not more important than a human being’s life.

You reached up, brushing your finger tips along your husband’s jaw line

“No, Love.You have nothin’ to worry about.” You stood and pressed a light kiss to his cheek.

He put his arm around you.Glaring daggers at Simon, Negan lead you to your shared bedroom.

He took an angry breath as he fished the key out of his front pocket.You raised an eyebrow, surprised he could actually get his hand in there, considering the jeans he wore were so tight you could see his religion.

“I don’t think you realize how far you pushed me just now.” Negan frowned as he shut the door behind him.

“To be fair, some of that is on me.I put up with your tantrums, on account of how cute you are and somewhere along the line you decided that it was somebody else that bashes in heads with baseball bats and I’m just the funny guy that entertains you.”

“You’re one to talk! You-“

“Let me make some things clear to you, I do not tolerate disrespect and I sure as shit will not allow you to make a fool of me.If I catch you near Simon again so help me Y/n, I will bash your skull in.If you so much as insinuate that you are sleeping with somebody else I will hurt you and when I get tired of that, I will bash your skull in.”

You pressed your thighs together tightly.For some God awful reason you were creaming your panties.You focused your eyes on the door behind him.

“Are we clear?” He challenged gruffly.

You nodded vigorously, fighting your urges.You took a shallow breath in and let it out shakily.

“Yes, Sir. We’re clear.” You replied.

Please leave Please leave please leave...The words looped like a mantra in your mind. “

“Crystal?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.” Still angry, he turned to leave, only to stop with his hand on the door knob. “Did you just call me ‘Sir’?”

Your stomach dropped.You couldn’t keep fighting with him.Not right now.You needed him to go away until you had gathered your whits about you.

Negan turned around, eyeing you curiously.Your heart started to race.Your gaze strayed to his face and finding nothing readable there, to the floor.His footsteps seemed too loud and the room too quiet.

“Are you scared of me,Y/n?” He spoke softly, raising a feeling in you that made your hands begin to shake.

His calloused fingers tilted your face up towards his.

“You are, aren’t you?” He sounded disappointed.

“I’m not afraid of you.” You blurted unable to stop the words from spilling out.”I’m not afraid.”

He tilted his head, eyes scanning you from head to toe.

“You’re shaking.”

“You’re touching me.”

Negan’s hands splayed along your neck, soothing and threatening at once.

“I love you.”Your voice trembled with emotion.

His gold flecked eyes widened, his lips parting the tiniest bit.You kissed him with an intensity that came as a shock to you both.The kiss was hard and bruising, punishing Negan for being Negan, punishing yourself for loving him anyway.

You fisted a hand in his shirt and used it to shove him away from you.You stared at each other for one tense moment, wild eyed and panting.

He was on you in a heart beat, his lips pressing small frantic kisses to your jaw and neck.His hands were grabbing for the skirt of your dress, but you stopped him.You guided his lips back to yours and kissed him gently.Your lips molded to his, in a light caress. Your fingers brushed the stubble on his jawline. Negan leaned into your touch accepting the forgiveness you offered without hesitation.

“You have got no idea how damn much you piss me off.” He muttered under his breath.

“Yes, I do.” You let him lead you to bed.

You tugged at the hem of his t-shirt and pulled the faded thing off, tossing it carelessly onto the floor.Your eyes were drawn to the tattoos on his upper arms and firm chest. You ran your fingers over the skull figure on his pec.Your fingertips trailed over his nipple and slowly down his stomach to the button on his jeans.

“Tell me you want me.” You undid both button and zipper and tugged the denim down his thighs.

“I want you.” Negan’s desire for you was written plainly on his face.In his eyes you could see that he was thinking of all the ways he wanted to have you.

You undressed slowly, letting him take-in the sight of you.Negan watched with wrapped attention as you removed your dress and then your bra. Anger,hunger,happiness,frustration,Negan had worn all of these feelings in your presence unabashedly. Your favorite expression by far was the look of awe and adoration on his face when you slid your panties off and let them fall to the floor.

“You are so beautiful .” He said reverently and your breath caught in your throat.

“But not perfect.” You directed his hands along the sides of your abundant belly and full hips, along our stretch marks.

“You are perfect to me.”The sincerity in his voice made the corners of your lips turn up in a smile.

“You’re so cute.” You said on a laugh and kissed him soundly.

“I’m serious.” He said between kisses. “You’re the sexiest woman I have had the privilege to make love to by far.”

Negan sucked on your tongue coaxing a moan from you.A shiver of pleasure went through you.He pressed hungry opened mouth kisses to your neck and chest.His big hands squeezed your ass.You wanted him.You weren’t going to deny it any longer. You wanted every inch of his body in every possible way.The low groan he emitted when you nibbled at his earlobe encouraged you to palm his erection through his boxershorts.

Negan backed onto the bed. You followed him onto the mattress, straddling his lap, your thick thigh flanking his hips.Negan began sucking a mark onto your chest.He took your breasts in his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze.

“Wait.” You panted.

“For what?”

You pushed yourself further down the coverlet and removed his boxers.His dick was a magnificent thing to behold.Thick, long and velvety smooth.You positioned your sex just above his waiting cock.

His eyes didn’t leave yours as you sank onto his erection.He leaned in to kiss you, but you turned your face away. You hummed in delight as he traced the line of your neck with the tip of his tongue. He pressed slow sensual lingering kisses to your pebbled nipples and withdrew slowly, then buried his full length in your wet heat.

When you expected fast and rough Negan gave you slow and sensual.The stroke of his cock against your walls was heaven, each more sinfully delicious than the last.The litany of praise he rasped into your ear had you mewling. You clenched around his thick length, felt your pussy getting wetter. Hazel eyes gazed into yours. In those eyes you recognized the partner you longed for; a man that respected, accepted, and adored you.The genuine admiration you found in their depths amplified this growing suspicion you had that Negan was falling as hard for you as you had for him.

The kiss that followed confirmed that more than desire brought you to this moment.You kissed him back tenderly.His lips molded to the contours of yours, his hands were in your hair.The tip of his tongue ran over the roof of your mouth. A hiccup of pleasure escaped you. His tongue delved deep, staking claim, demanding reciprocation of the intense emotions you managed to incite in him.

You felt yourself slipping, getting increasingly desperate as your pleasure reached a new height. Your breath caught in your throat. With one last thrust he composed a symphonic sensation of all consuming bliss through your body.Your orgasm rendered a scream from your vocal cords that made Negan laugh seconds before he came.


	6. A Lonely Night

“Can I trust you, Y/n?” He asked as you lay together after.

“Yes, you can.”

“How can I be sure you won’t think how I feel about you is a weakness?” He watched your face wearily.

You laced your fingers with his.

“You aren’t weak.Neither am I.We have both put survival above everything else.”

He winced.

“Hell, that isn’t reassuring in the least.”

You smiled apologetically.

“What I’m getting at is, if you’re open to it, we could try putting each other first and survival second.You know, the way relationships were pre-walker?”

“And what would you know about that, hmm?”

“I was in a relationship back when.”

“What, some high school sweetheart bullshit?” He sighed, incredulity in his voice.

“No.” You turned onto your belly. “I was in a serious relationship with an older man.”

“Were you now?”

“I was.”

“What was he like?” He pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

“Do you really wanna know?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

You smirked at the jealousy in his eyes.

“He was...fifteen or so years older than me.”

“Mhmm.”

You carded your fingers through Negan’s hair.

“He had pretty blue eyes and a very nice smile.”

“What did he do?”

“He was a policeman.”

“A cop? You were dating a cop?” His brow furrowed.

“Is that surprising?” You grinned.

“It is.” He grumbled. “Did you love ‘um.”

“I did love him, but we broke up.Then this all happened and I had bigger things to worry about then him.”

Negan mulled on that for a moment.

"I ever tell you I was married before the world went to shit?"

Try as he might to hide behind a veneer of nonchalance, you sensed some dark emotions beneath the act.

"Not very successfully, but she meant a great deal to me."

You nodded.

" I was shit at showing it, but I'm sure you know a thing or two about that."He grimaced.

Negan looked into your eyes. In the depths of his gaze you could see a sorrow so intense, it made your heart ache with compassion.

“Do you think we could try it?”

He said suddenly.

“Yes, I reckon we could.” You kissed the back of his hand.

You felt so filled with warmth you could burst.

Negan kissed the corner of your mouth lovingly.

“You have my whole heart, Y/n.”

He took you into his arms.

"Until my last breath."

Feeling safer than you had in years, you snuggled into his embrace and reveled in the wonder of being loved.

Staring out of the window did nothing to improve his mood.Lighting flashed in a black as midnight sky at eleven o'clock in the morning.

"What's the plan?"Negan asked the room at large, taking a seat at the head of the table.

His lieutenants sat in a make shift conference room, looking worse for the wear from the battle with Alexandria.

Dwight tapped the back end of a switch blade on the table, seemingly deep in thought.Regina sat arms crossed over her chest glaring at Dwight's hands.The minutes ticked by quietly. Negan's already strained patience was growing thin.Gavin tilted his chair back and sighed.

“There's nothing left for us to do, 'cept kill 'em all."Simon concluded.

“Dwight?" Negan posed wearily.

"We don't need to kill all them people to get them in line.We just have to kill the right ones."

Negan narrowed his eyes at him.

"The right people, meaning who? Rick Grimes?"

“Grimes, The Widow, and The so called king."

“Hmm..." Their leader scratched at his chin, in contemplation.

"We'll put 'em on a platform, make it bloody, make sure they all see it happen." Dwight's gruff voice provided.

"I like the way you think, Dwight." Negan responded at last."Si, how long you need to get this set up?"

A blood thirsty grin broke out on Simon's face.

"We'll be ready by morning." He replied.

To the Saviors Simon directed a gung-ho,“Let's go to work."

Mean while, back at the hen house, boredom and gloom drove the wives to the parlor.

"We could play a game?"Tanya suggested.

Amber emitted a petulant huff in response and continued flipping through a beat up issue of Vogue

"We can play a drinking game."Sherri suggested.

“A drinking game?"You repeated uncertainly.

"We are all adults here, we're stuck 'till Negan says otherwise."Tanya pointed out.

"We might as well."Amber intoned, tossing her magazine aside.

You glanced uncertainly at Sherri.For a moment you considered declining, but much to their surprise, you agreed.

"Okay, What are we playing?"

Frankie sat up in her chair, with sudden interest.

“Never have I ever!”Sherri and Tanya said in unison.

You swallowed in an attempt to soothe your suddenly dry throat.This was a disaster waiting to happen.

Amber took it upon herself to serve each person in the room a generous shot of vodka.

“The way it works is, we take turns asking a question.Well sort of a question sort a not.”Sherri hedged.

“If it’s my turn I’d say something like, Never have I ever...smoked a joint.”Tanya clarified.

“Bullshit.”Frankie laughed.

“If you have smoked a joint you do a shot.If you haven't, you don’t.It’s fun.Trust me.” Sherri’s enthusiastic grin was a little scary.

You had never seen her smile before today.You eyed her skeptically, but didn’t back out.

“Why don’t we go from youngest to oldest”You suggested.

Amber went around the room handing out the generous glasses she had poured to each of you.

“Go on then.”Sherri encouraged Frankie.

“Alright, never have I ever...given a blowjob.”

“Ha! That’s a cheat! We all know He loves getting head.”Tanya chuckled.

“Is not!” The petite redhead insisted.

You all took a shot.

Amber went around the room refilling the glasses.

As the game went on, you slowly began to relax.The questions were invasive at times, but no one had caused any trouble so far.

“Never have I ever”Tanya began, “been tied up during sex.”

“Ugh Tanya!”Amber exclaimed in disgust.

Sherri’s eyes were fixed on you.Of course you thought broodingly. She was so damn nosey, but you were a good sport and drank just the same. To your surprise, so did Frankie.

You shared a knowing look then burst out laughing.Sherri was not amused.

“Never have I ever been to Texas?”Amber tried.

You shook your head, but drank all the same.

“Never have I ever kissed another girl.”You threw out eyeing each of them in turn.

Frankie, Tanya, and You all took another shot.

“Really, Y/n?”Amber’s eyes went wide with curiosity.

“Oh, come on don’t act so shocked.It’s the freakin" apocalypse.”Frankie scoffed.

“Alright alright, never have I ever let Negan eat me out.” Sherri said smoothly.

You cringed at the obvious ploy for jealousy.

Tanya,Sherri, and Frankie each took a shot.

You could feel them all scrutinizing you.You and Amber were the odd ones out. You refused to rise to the bait.

“Amber” Sherri prompted when she remained quiet for too long.

“Oh, uh, yes. Never have I ever..” She wracked her brain trying to come up with something, but came up empty. “Never have I ever had a three some??”

“Booooo!” a sloppy drunk Frankie complained.”We already asked that one.”

“Right right...”

“How about never have I eveeer, had a sexual fantasy about a Savior.” Frankie suggested.

Tanya blushed fiercely and took the shot.

The look on Amber’s face was bleak.

“Never have I ever been to Canada.”Sherri said quickly changing the subject.

No one drank.You felt bad for Amber.You had forgotten that some of these girls used to be in relationships with the men that were now Saviors.

Tanya smirked at you.

“Never have I ever, had sex with Negan in the middle of the day.”She said much too chipper for your liking.

“Just Negan?”

“Yes.”

You knew what she meant to find out, but you refused to go there with her. You didn’t take the shot.

Her brown eyes blazed into yours.She and Sherri drank simultaneously.

“Never have I ever lied to my husband.”You deadpanned to remind them you were in this together.

Every one of them drank.

“Never have I ever had a sex related injury.”

Sherri stared at Tanya when she didn't drink.

“Taanyaa”

“Sherriii” Tanya mocked good naturedly.

“You have.”She insisted.

Tanya winced and took the shot. Embarrassed and hoping no one would ask the million dollar question.

“Okay, but how??”Frankie asked.

Tanya covered her blushing face in her hands.

“Damn it Sherri.”

“She was with Simon on a free pass day.”

Frankie rolled her eyes.”You know how that goes”

Sherri raised an eyebrow. “Not all of us do.”

"He gets a little...gymnastic." Tanya admitted, blushing.

“Never have I ever wanted to fuck Simon.” Amber singsonged.

“It’s not even your turn!” Tanya winced and took the shot.

You were feeling so warm and buzzing hard.You unthinkingly took the shot along with Tanya and Frankie.

“Simon?” Sherri’s voice was filled with judgement.

“Surprised?”

“Not even a little.” She sniffed.

“Anyone ever tell you, you’re awful judgmental for a woman in a polygamist marriage?” You snarked.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.You act pretty high and mighty for someone who sucks the same cock the rest of us do.”

“I’m not like you.” She hissed venomously.”I didn’t fucking choose this!”

“And you think I did?”Amber stood, swaying drunkly.

“Not you.” Sherri’s voice lost it’s venom. “But the rest of you did.”

“You’re so wrong for thinkin’ that and even worse for sayin’ it!” Tanya’s eyes filled with tears.

“Sherri, You’ve been talking down to me ever since I got here.” You spoke louder than you intended to, likely the effects of the alcohol.

“Yeah? And what are you going to do about it?”

“I’m not the one with the problem.”

“You sure as shit act like it.”

You threw your glass in her general direction. It pelted her in the shoulder and rolled onto the floor.

“Bitch if you’re feelin’ froggy go ahead and fuckin’ jump.”

The double doors burst wide open.

“What in the _hell_ is going on in here?” Negan thundered looking around the room with an irritated scowl.

No one moved.Sherri’s fury was still apparent in her expression.You wondered how long he’d been listening.

“Explain.Now.” He demanded picking on Tanya who hadn’t said a thing.

“W-well...We were drinking and playing some stupid game. About sex.”Her eyes darted between you and Sherri.

“A sex game?” Negan repeated, disbelief in his tone.

“Yupp. Not a one of us’s been to Canada and Y/n kissed a girl, Now Sherri thinks we’re all a buncha sluts.” Amber hiccuped.

Negan took a steadying breath and stared down each of you in turn.

“Well I’ll be damned." He scrutinized Amber's slight swaying figure and shook his head. "Sweetheart, you are trashed!I’m cuttin’ you off.”

Negan took the bottle of vodka from her. From the look on her face, she had forgotten she was holding it.

“I’ll get you some water.” Frankie nodded decisively and tried to shake off her buzz.

She swayed a little on her way to the sink.

“So what I’m gettin’ here is, you all got wasted and started swapping stories about sex with me?”

You didn’t know what to say.You were, despite Sherri being an asshat, feeling pretty good right about now.

“You are around each other all day every freakin’ day and the subject has never come up before?” He asked with feigned interest.”I don’t know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.”

_Finally getting a taste of his own medicine._

You snickered.

“What’s so funny over there,Y/n?”

_Uh-oh no pet names.Daddy is maaad._

The ridiculous thought made you chuckle and soon you were emitting peels of laughter so infectious that Tanya started laughing too.

“You cut that shit out.It is not fucking funny.” He shifted his weight, brought lucille onto his shoulder, then licked his lips. “I don’t like drama.”

Sherri rolled her eyes.

“Coulda fooled me.” Amber jibed under her breath.

You mashed your lips together to hold back your smile.

“What did you just say?”

You shook your head and batted your lashes.

His nostrils flared like he could smell the insubordination.

“Wow I am havin’ a damn hard time rememberin’ why I thought keeping so many women around was a good idea.”

“Cause your concept of marriage is a nonstop orgy?” You suggested.

“What the ever loving fuck?” A pained look crossed his face.

“I mean,” Your languid gaze swept the room. “It isn’t right, but I get it.” You shrugged.

“That’s enough. I don’t have the patience to deal with all of you at once.Every one of you to your bedrooms! I don’t want to hear one peep out of you for the rest of the day.”

“Sure thing, _Daddy_.” The corners of your lips quirked into an almost grin as you stood and headed for your room.

“Smart ass.” He grumbled following behind you.

“What did I miss?” He inquired as the door shut behind him.

"I dunno what you mean.” You struggled to remove your panties.

“Sin-since when do you get into cat fights?” His eyebrows raised as he watched you hop around clumsily. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Taking off my bra and panties.” You huffed pulling one arm into your dress to work open the clasps.

“Stop it.Let me.”Negan shook his head in exasperation as he came to stand in front of you.

His long fingers gathered the soft material of your dress.He lifted it up over your head and slid it down your arm.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why are you gettin’ undressed?”

“I’m too hot for clothes.”

Negan grinned. “You sure are.”

“No.That’s not what I mean.Meant? _Mean?_ ”

“How much did you have to drink?” With one deft movement, he unclasped your bra.

He made it seem so easy.You pouted, glaring down at your exposed tummy pensively.

“I should be able to do that. I’m the one with boobs!” You complained.

Negan chuckled a smooth melodic sound.His warm hands slipped the bra straps off of your shoulders, freeing your arms, exposing your breasts.

“Panties too.” You reminded.

The hint of a smile played around his lips as he slipped the waistband of your slightly skewed underpants off of your hips.He knelt down.Something occurred to you as you watched him slide the thin fabric to your ankles.

“How come you’re home so early?”

“I’d rather not talk about it.” His index finger tapped the top of your foot. “Lift.”

You leaned forward to sturdy yourself, hanging onto his leather clad shoulder as you raised your foot.

Negan unhooked your underpants from around one ankle, guided your foot back to the floor, and repeated the process with your left foot.

“Are you trying to start a mutiny of the wives or did you get bored enough in there to start shit for no reason?”

Knowing eyes looked up at you.

“I didn’t start it! Sherri did!”

“Did she now?”

“She could start an argument in an empty house.”

“You act pretty high and mighty for someone who sucks the same cock we do.” Negan quoted watching for your reaction.

“Well she does! She was being a-a-a judgey mcjudgerson!”

“A what?”

“A jerk.” You amended.

“Sherri is always “a jerk”.What was different about today?”

You frowned. “The vodka?”

“No.” He replied standing slowly back up.

“...the me?” You mumbled guiltily.

Negan cupped his hand behind his ear gazing at you expectantly.

“Me, I was different, because I got mad.”

“Mhmm.”

“I was angry so I egged her on.”

“That’s not the Y/n I know.” He admonished, taking your chin in his hand.

He tilted your face up and looked you in the eye.

“She said somethin’ mean.”

His brow furrowed. “Mean?”

“We were playing Never have I ever...”

“Mhmm...”

“And Amber said ‘Never have I ever wanted to sleep with Simon.’ Obviously I took a shot.” You recognized the spark of jealousy in his eyes.

“It’s the way the game works!”You defended. “Then Sherri said “Simon?” And I was like 'What’re you surprised?' And she said 'Not even a little.'”

Negan took a deep angry breath.

You jumped back into your case to keep him from yelling at you.

“It was _the way_ she said it.” You emphasized.”Like like I was dirty like I was below her.”

The corner of his lip pulled back in a near snarl.

You could already see how his needless anger would play out.

“And not just me.”You back tracked, “Tanya and Frankie too! I mean how can you blame me?Honestly, she freaking implied that we were sluts or whores or-or worse just cause we’re married to you.She forgets that we’re equals and talks down to us. What was I supposed to do, let her??No no. No.”

Negan ran a hand through his hair.His anger had gone down from a boil to a simmer.He struggled to adjust.

“Ugh, I knew it!You’re stuck on the Simon part.You just don’t get it.”

“You were fightin’ over another man! How the hell do you think that makes me feel?”

“It wasn’t about Simon.I was giving you context so you would know how I went from putting up with her to wanting to kick her ass.” You explained, annoyed with his one track mind.

“What the fuck is so great about that scumbag anyway? What’s got y’all so obsessed?”

You sighed loudly.

“Nobody is obsessed! Amber was making fun, cause she thinks he’s ugly.”

“At least one of my wives is smart.”

You rankled at the bitterness in his voice.

“Well I can’t tell you why Tina and Frankie wanted to sleep with Simon! I can only tell you why I did!”

“Why did you?” He wore a guarded expression.

It was easier for him to pretend your answer didn’t matter, you knew.

“Mostly to piss you off.” You chose your words carefully.

“He’s got the whole second man in charge thing going for him and that works for some people, but for me, it was about how mad I was at you.”

Negan blinked, processing your words.

“You wanting to sleep with Simon was about Me?”

“That’s ... one hell of an over simplification, but yes. It was.You acted like a total dickwad from the second we met to the night I almost slept with him.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but you put your finger to his lips in a shushing gesture.

“Yes, me wanting to sleep with Simon was about you.I was thinking about you ninety-five percent of the time.”

“And the other five percent?”

“You gotta be kidding me! Is ninety-five not enough?”

“Why wasn’t it a hundred percent of the time?"

“I hadn’t had sex in years!”

“Hmm...”

You interrupted his thinking with a slow languid kiss.He kissed you back savoring your warmth and taste.

“I don’t like drama,Doll.I’ll forgive you this time.You girls got sauced after all, but don’t you go making trouble again.”

“What about Sherri?”

“Collateral damage.”

You exhaled sharply at the sympathy in his voice.

“Dwight needed to learn his place and the only way to do that without cracking open skulls was to threaten him with Lucille.”His thumb stroked over your jaw lightly.

“That doesn’t make a lick of sense.”

“Sherri offered herself up in exchange for his life.That just so happened to fit my agenda.So, ‘mean’ though she may be she was telling the truth.” Negan looked down and away for a minute.The deceptively charismatic smirk he wore like armor returned to its place.

“Not for nothin’ but not one of us became a wife because we were lookin’ to put our feet up, except for Frankie.” You pointed out.“Amber went through some really bad shit.She feels indebted to you for saving her.Tanya’s mom was sick, in a lot of pain, and needed morphine.We both know how I ended up here-“

“Sherri doesn’t know that.” He interrupted.

“That’s my point, she shouldn’t talk about what she doesn’t know.Talk shit.Get hit.Just sayin’.”

“You are impossible...Why don’t you go on and get that gorgeous bottom of yours in the shower? It’ll help you cool down.” He suggested.

“Won’t you come with me? You tried, entwining your fingers with his.

He brought your hand to his lips and pressed a small regretful kiss to it. Negan’s sigh was bone weary.

“I’d love to, Darlin’ ,but Daddy’s got work to do.” He waggled his eyebrows at you.

Your face heated at the memory of your sarcastic remark.

“It was a joke.” You groaned.

“Not to me. I think Daddy might be my favorite nick name yet.” He taunted, watching you saunter to the bathroom to start your shower.

You heard his easy laughter receding as he left you to your own devices.

Not far from The Sanctuary, a militia made up of rebel misfits made their final preparations to dethrone the self-professed king.


	7. Pretty

Once upon a pre-apocalypse time, Rick Grimes thought of himself as a simple man.There was right and there was wrong, very seldom was there anything in between. When there was, it simply meant the situation needed resolving. Once resolved it would fall into one of those two basic categories and all was well with his world again.However, that was before the apocalypse. Before his family’s survival twisted his morality into something neither black nor white, but a stormy weather grey. The many traumatic situations, trials and tribulations he and his chosen family had faced, forced his grey morality to stain a little darker, but no crisis had pushed him so close to the edge as Negan. Abraham and Glenn, along with so many others had lost theirs lives to the violent sociopath and his merry band of murders. He’d sworn vengeance on their oppressor. Now that vengeance was finally coming to fruition.

“...Those people who use, take, and kill, to carve out the world and make it their’s and their’s alone, We end them...” His soulful blue eyes took a moment to gaze meaningfully into the face of each member of his ragtag army.“There’s only one person that has to die tonight”His gruff voice assured them, “and I will kill him myself.”

He could see his words already taking affect, giving their anger the justification of righteousness and their thirst for savior blood conviction.Rick kept watching, patiently as Ezekiel roused them with brotherhood and as Maggie Ree gave them hope. Unlike Negan, it gave him no pleasure to manipulate minds like this.The ends he reminded his conscience would justify the means. _For the greater good._ His inner voice declared.He accepted the words as gospel.

The caravan barreled through the fences taking the few saviors, who weren’t out checking the far perimeter, by surprise. Four shots were fired into the air breaking up an impromptu meeting Negan was having with Hilltop’s incompetent leader. He and his men strolled out onto the platform to gauge the situation.

“Well I’m sorry” Negan apologized insincerity in his voice. “I was in a meetin’’.”

Upon laying eyes on Gregory, Rick Grimes snorted. “Sorry to interrupt.”

Negan’s sharp eyes roved over the caravan of misfit warriors, taking in the army, the battle ready vehicles, their many firearms. All of this would not have given him pause, except for one thing, the determination and fury on their faces.

“Now, I don’t see a reason why we should have us a shoot out,” He snarked, wondering anxiously if you were at the window of his bedroom right now.

Hoping you had heard the warning shots and taken cover, he resumed his performance.

“I have to look out for the safety of my people. I can’t let myself get wrapped up in playing cops and robbers just because you want to find out if my dick is really bigger than yours.” He paused like a comedian building suspense before a punchline, “It is.” He smiled confidently. “We all know it.”

“This isn’t a game.” Rick Grimes intoned, his solemn countenance causing Simon to mutter an epithet under his breath. “This is a reckoning and your time has come.”

The shoot out that followed was a chaos of ricochetting bullets, screams of pain, and shouted orders. Minutes passed like seconds. Simon called out to Negan, they had reinforcements coming, but as it turned out, so did Rick Grimes.

Of all the surprises Negan imagined the colonies to have under their sleeves, not being able to count on his silver tongue to buy time or get him out of such an impossible bitch of a situation wasn’t one, the colonies using the entirety of their separate communities, young and old, wasn’t one, and a heard of the dead filtering into his God damn Sanctuary sure as fuck wasn’t one.

Rick the Prick’s first spray of bullets missed Negan by a second.He dove out of the way and down a flight of stairs. When he reached the bottom he was a little worse for the wear, but his body was still in one piece.He was also resourceful enough to pick up the gun of a fallen Savior and stay out of the crosshairs for a bit.

His brain went into survival mode, pushing him to shoot back, pulling him back behind the dumpster before he could get himself shot. Negan’s gun ran out of bullets all too soon.

“Sonuvabitch!” He ground out, running to the nearest port in the shit storm, a rusty old trailer.

His heart beat so damn loud, he’d forgotten how terrifying a herd could be, when you had nothing, but your will to live, your flight response to get you out of it. He heard glass breaking, Y/n. His pulse jumped in his throat. Of all the days for you to drink you had to choose today. He couldn’t bear the thought of them getting to you. They could hate him all they all wanted, he’d done his share of fucked up shit. He deserved it. What he felt he didn’t deserve was for the consequences of his actions to effect you.

Another spine chilling thought circled in his brain.

_**“Everyone of you go to your rooms!!”** _

Had he doomed you all? Like he’d doomed her? A memory of bright blue eyes and a very expressive face loomed over him ominously. _Different time, different woman, different situation._ He told himself pushing Her memory away, down, down deep in the coffin shaped box where he kept his grief.

A newer memory arose unbidden, He took your hand in his, kissed it softly, and looked into your eyes.All trace of bravado and falsehood dissipated as he let you see him. The real Negan and the effect one night with you’d had on him.

  
**_"Can I trust you, Y/n?”  
  
“Yes, you can.”You laced your fingers between his.  
  
“How can I be sure you won’t think my love for you is a weakness?”He watched your face cautiously.  
  
“You aren’t weak.Neither am I.We have both put survival above everything else.”_ **

You were resourceful.You were unbelievably resilient. Negan resolved to trust you to keep yourself alive.At least until he could reach you.

The trailer door blew wide open. Negan fisted the black material attached to whatever dickhead had been dumb enough to enter his refuge and pulled the door shut. The wide doe eyes of Alexandria’s creepy bald clergyman found his face in the dark.

  
  


The firing of live ammunition sounded from somewhere below you. In nothing, but a bra and a fresh pair of panties you ran to the wall of windows.Simon and a few of the saviors had taken cover and were taking their best shots at hitting something other than the corrugated steel the invaders were using as shields.Your mind went into over drive.You couldn’t see Negan out there.No sign of his black leather clad back anywhere.At least you knew he was alive.He wasn’t lying on the ground or you’d surely have seen him. A borage of bullets hit some of the panes of glass below.You dove to the ground and began crawling behind the nearest piece of furniture you could.Unfortunately, the closest was a sofa.Cushions and plywood wouldn’t be enough to keep you safe.You lay as flat against the floor as you could as the gunfire reached your floor.The cacophony out there went from loud to ear splitting within seconds.

  
A sharp angry pain caused you to cry out, but you weren’t willing to risk getting shot again to check the wound.Soon afterwards the shooting died down.They’re running out of ammo, you thought.They must need to make every bullet count.Your heart felt so heavy. _Please Lord keep him safe._ You prayed.You knew he wasn’t perfect by any means nor was he innocent, but you loved him.You couldn’t fathom a world without him.A moment of quiet passed as you reflected on your husbands many sins.You found yourself struggling to maintain your composure.You wanted so badly to fall apart, but there wasn’t time for that.Who knew when he’d come for you.There was no doubt in your mind that he would eventually come for you, but you couldn’t stay here. It wasn’t safe.You got onto your hands and knees and clambered to the closet.You cursed Negan’s stupid wives club bullshit for robbing you of your jeans.You only owned two outfits.A black dress with spaghetti straps or a white grass stained sundress.You silently fumed as you pulled the dress on.You owned exactly one pair of shoes these days and they were a pair of black flats, not made for trekking through the forest. You decided to take a pair of socks and Negan’s red kerchief from his night stand.The long tube socks you used to stifle the bleeding of your wound.You tied the kerchief around your wrist. As you left your bedroom behind, you quickly began assessing the damage.You found the parlor doors were wide open. Sherri was long gone, but Tanya and Frankie seemed to be waiting around for...something.  
  
He isn’t coming.” The statement left your mouth reluctantly.  
  
You knew deep inside that he would come back, eventually. However, seeing the girls fall apart spurred you to action. “We have to go.”  
  
“We can’t leave! We won’t make it!” Tanya cried, her eyes frantic.  
  
“We will! We can!” They looked unconvinced.  
  
“I’ve led a group before.” You sighed exasperated with their dithering.  
  
Frankie’s eyes darted from the room you had just left to the parlor doors.  
  
They’ll probably drag us out of here if we stay.” She said slowly to Tanya, “and who knows what else they’ll do to us.” She swallowed nervously.  
  
“She’s right.” You told Tanya.”We don’t know who or what we’re dealing with here and we shouldn’t stick around to find out.”  
  
Tanya nodded slowly accepting the dire straits you were in.Trying to ignore the fear and anxiety she was radiating, you lead them to the doors.

The empty hallway was not at all inviting, but you had no choice except to slip quietly into it.Frankie and Tanya followed.There was shouting and shooting in the distance.The further you walked the closer the noises sounded.You peaked around the first corner.An arrow whizzed past you, barely missing you. You ducked back behind the wall, your breathing sharp and quick with shock. You stayed as still as possible, waiting for another arrow to come, but none did. Instead there were heavy angry footsteps.The face of a man appeared, haggard sweaty and holding a cross bow in front of him.Tanya and Frankie yelped holding each other tight.

“Weapons?” He demanded.

“W-we don’t have any.” Frankie stuttered.

“Bullshit!” He barked and demanded you put your hands up. 

You complied, more for the good of the wives than for your own.Stout fingers and a large palm invasively explored any place you might be hiding a gun or knife.

“Get on the ground.”He commanded and moved on to check Frankie, then Tanya.

“Who are you?” He asked suspiciously.

“We’re...wives” Tanya sniffed between sobs.“Negan’s wives.”

He grunted more to himself than to you.Static crackled from the walkie on his belt.

“Darryl, You find anything?”

“I found the wives,”He sounded disappointed.“They’re unarmed."

“Go ahead and bring ‘em with you.”A deep voice intoned.

“Sure.”Darryl replied.

“Anyone else back there?” He nodded toward the direction you came from.

“No.” You stated evenly.

“Get up.” He grabbed onto Frankie’s arm and pushed her ahead of him.

“Ladies first.” He mocked, making you go back the way you came.

Darryl stopped at every room.Checked every space a person could possibly hide.When you got back to the parlor, he tore the place apart looking for any one hidden. He found no one. He checked the other rooms found them empty and called to someone on the walkie.

“All clear.” He informed him.

“Good.Meet us on the first floor.”

Each step you served to solidify the danger you were in.A thousand scenarios of ‘what ifs’ flashed before your eyes.They could torture you, rape you, kill you.Tanya stumbled almost falling down a flight of stairs. Frankie pulled her close and tried to keep her upright. You followed them down. Your stomach knotted in dread of the big scary u. Dealing with the unknown had always been a problem for you. When something was unknown, you were stuck waiting around to find out and in that time you could not plan for it.

Upon reaching the ground floor, you saw that all of the dock doors had been pulled down. Every exit locked and blocked.The hungry rasps of the dead filled you with dread.It sounded like you were surrounded. Your eyes darted nervously about the place, from the worn and teary faces of the scared inhabitants to the hard expressions worn by the invaders.

The pounding of heavy boot steps had you swiveling your head about to find the source.

“Don’t you think of tryin’ anything.” Darryl grated. “Get down on your knees.” He ordered gruffly.

You and the other two girls knelt on the concrete floor, waiting.


	8. The Town

You could hear someone approaching behind you.Your breathing quickened in horrible anticipation.

“Are these his...wives?” A deep voice, asked calmly. “Carl said there were five.”

“I looked all over. Found 1 dead and these three."

You closed your eyes.Wondering briefly who it had been.Your stomach churned. You knew what would happen next. He would hit you. He would hit you and demand to know where Sherri and Amber were. You wouldn’t have an answer, except to say you hadn’t seen them in a couple of hours.

“We’re not here to hurt you.” The man’s gentle tone was reassuring. “We’re here to free you.”

 _Free us from this life you mean._ Your maudlin mind provided.

“Where are the rest of you?” He inquired.

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at the man, you couldn’t bare it.

Darryl put a hand on your shoulder and shoved you forward.

“Ask _her_.This one was leadin’ ‘em.”

A pair of worn leather work boots stopped in front of you.The man inhaled deeply as if to calm himself.

“Are you alright?”He seemed genuinely concerned.

You clenched your jaw, but he did something, you hadn’t expected.

He reached out and brushed his knuckles along your cheek.

You stiffened, hardening your heart for what was to come.

He tipped your face up, his index finger just under your chin.

Your eyes met his clear blue gaze

The gasp you emitted made Tanya and Frankie turn to look at you.

“Y/n?” He sounded as astonished as you felt, almost hoarse with the shock of this revelation.

His arms were around you and squeezing you in a warm embrace before you could fully process it.

“Oh,” He kissed the top of your head. “You’re alive!”A sigh of relief escaped his throat.

Your lower lip trembled, emotion overtaking you.

Cynthiana hadn’t come to mind in a long time.Hugging him, you were transported to a different stage of your life, a different society, home.

  
**_“She doesn’t understand.Much as I wanna be there,I have got to put work first.We talked about this when I joined the force.Lori agreed that she should stay home and take care of Carl, that I would provide for our family. These days, I cover a late shift for another officer, get home and she starts ripping me a new one. Says everytime I’m out late I been drinkin’ with Shane.She accuses me of any wrong thing a husband can do.You name it, according to Her, I’ve done it.”_**  
  
_**You frowned a bit at that. Lori wasn’t the best person, but she certainly wasn’t the worst. Neither of you was really in a position to judge her. Not when you were sleeping with her husband.**_  
  
_**“Well, I’m sorry that ya’ll are goin’ through a rough patch.”Your voice sounded dejected even to you.**_  
  
_**He closed his eyes briefly, his expression contrite.**_  
  
_**“I’m...I’m sorry.You shouldn’t have to hear all this.I don’t know what I was thinkin’.” He kissed the top of your head in apology.**_  
  
_**You snuggled closer, your head on his bare chest and sighed.**_  
  
_**“It’s okay with me for you to talk about your problems.Everybody needs to vent sometime.The thing is, I feel...bad.I feel like I’m part of the problem.”**_  
  
_**“You’re not.” He said vehemently. “Lori started accusing me of havin’ an affair long before you and I ever...”**_  
  
_**He couldn’t bring himself to say it, his guilt wouldn’t allow it. That sat well with you. It was the least either of you could do.Admit that this temptation you’d both given into wasn’t right.**_  
  
_**“How much do we owe you for watchin’ Carl?” He inquired with a softness in his tone that made you melt inside.**_  
  
_**“I can’t charge you not when we’re sleeping together.It would feel like-like-“**_  
  
**_“I get it.” He ran his hand along your side tenderly. “But I’m gonna have to pay you anyway.”_**  
  
**_You winced.Of course he did. She would notice if suddenly their was an extra $80 bucks in their account every week. He could hide the money, save it and use it for something. but that would be one more _lie he had to tell Lori. So you accepted the money and put it all in your savings account. Guilt kept you from spending it and as it turned out,you had needed that money to get yourself out of Kentucky.It had gotten you as far as Richmond,Virginia when all hell broke loose. It was there you met Charlie and the gang...__**

__

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” He murmured into your hair.

__

Darryl cleared his throat. “Are you forgetting somethin’?”

__

Rick looked to him questioningly.

__

“She’s married to a sociopath!”

__

“She’s...a friend” He hedged. “I know her. She would never willingly have married a man like Negan."

__

“I don’t care if she’s your damn aunt fanny! Her husband murdered Glenn and Abraham!” He growled and spit at your feet.

__

You jerked back at the insult.

__

“You’re not the only one that’s lost people to The Saviors.” Your voice shook as you spoke.You couldn’t bring yourself to say that it was Negan who killed Charlie.Negan had done terrible things, but he also made you feel wonderful things, now was not the time to reconcile the two.

__

“He killed my best friend. My co-leader,Charlie.” You told them.”He forced me to become a wife. You gestured toward Tanya.

__

“Her mom was terminally sick.She was suffering. He offered to get her some morphine if Tanya would become his wife.”

__

Rick was listening with wrapped attention, compassion in his gaze.

__

“Frankie,” You nodded toward the redhead. Her green eyes begged you not to tell.

__

You took a breath.

__

“She was attacked by a group of cruel and violent men. Negan and The Saviors, rescued her.The price for his help was marriage.” You hoped Amber had gotten far far away from the Sanctuary.

__

If your words were revealed to be untrue, you might all be killed. You had no doubt this, Darryl guy would have you strung up in a heartbeat. Quiet followed the sad tale.

__

“I believe you.” Rick said calmly. “I’m sorry you had to go through this.”

__

Your eyes filled with tears. Not because you agreed with his insinuation that your marriage to Negan was a form of torture you had undergone, but for all else you had endured since leaving Kentucky.

__

Darryl huffed loudly.

__

“What are we gonna do with Negan?” He ground out.

__

“Now’s not the time or place to discuss this.” Rick inclined his head, peering at Darryl over your shoulder. “We’ll talk about it once we get them to Alexandria.”

__

“Fine.” The man responded.Though it didn’t sound as if he were fine with Rick’s decision at all.

__

_them, once we get them to Alexandria. He’d said.Your heart leapt at the possibility that Them included Negan_.

__

__

During the three month deliberation of Negan’s sentence, Hilltop’s Doctor Carson had informed you that your dizzy spells and drowsiness were actually pregnancy.You were elated at first, then heartbroken when you realized there was a huge chance your child would never meet it’s father. It took pride shriveling amounts of begging and sweet talking you’re ex boyfriend to get him on your side to save Negan’s life.Rick turned the majority of the council in your favor.Their final decision was that Negan would live.Your relief at hearing this was immense until you were told the terms on which his execution had been stayed.You would be delivering his sentence.

__

__

The rustling sound of soft soles walking across the dirty concrete floor reached Negan long before your tear stained face came into focus in the dim light.

__

“Negan.”

__

He kept his face blank.

__

“Y/n.” His voice sounded raspier to you than usual.

__

Your eyes scanned over him in the dark and caught on the white bandage set across his throat.

__

“I’m here to-“

__

“Do I look like I give a shit?” He glared over your shoulder at Darryl.”You people are ridiculous.Five women to choose from and you send the one I regret ever setting eyes on.Nice.”

__

You glanced over at Darryl.He looked supremely unimpressed.

__

“That isn’t true and you know it.” You wet your lips with your tongue.

__

“You get the fuck away from me right fucking now.”

__

You took a shaking breath and tried to hold back the tears.A sobbing emotional mess was the last thing either of you needed at the moment.

__

You held your wrists up where he could see the restraints the council demanded you wear at all times.

__

“‘fraid I don’t have any say in it’.” You managed, feeling sorry for him.

__

This was going to hurt both of you immensely, but if you didn’t do as you’d been asked, he would be getting a hell of a lot worse than a life sentence.

__

He turned away from you, unable to bear the sight.

__

“You’re wasting your time.I am Not talking to you.”

__

A weary sigh left you.

__

“You don’t have to say anything, just listen.” You inhaled slowly and held it, to steady yourself for the pain to come.

__

“I’m not married to you.I wasn’t ever married to you.You manipulated, scared, and threatened me into submitting to you.”

__

He stiffened.

__

“You are a power hungry, sociopath who took advantage of my weaknesses and the weaknesses of many others-“

__

“Weakness? You?” He scoffed.

__

“-you brain washed us like some kinda deranged cult leader.I don’t love you.I never loved you and neither did any of the other _wives_.”You spat the word at him.

__

He laughed bitterly.

__

“I did what had to be done to keep all of you alive, if that makes me the bad guy then fuck it.”

__

“Don’t you dare fucking laugh!”You cried glaring at his back.”Do you have any idea how many people had to die because of you?Do you have any remorse for the pain that you’ve caused? The lives you’ve taken?”

__

He turned to look at you then. From Negan’s surprised expression, the tears streaming down your face must really be selling it.

__

“You know I don’t.”He frowned, uncertainty in his tone.

__

“I hate you!”

__

“Hate me? For what?” He huffed.

__

“For everything you took from me! For everything you did to me!”

__

“Well don’t you worry, Baby. I’m sure you’ll be getting your retribution soon enough.”

__

He crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

__

You sniffed, choked down a sob and prepared for the grand finally.You stepped right up to the bars.Eyeing you wearily, he moved slowly towards you.

__

“Kiss me.” Your voice was a low whisper.

__

The reluctance in his gold flecked eyes unsettled you, made what was to come that much harder.

__

He leaned in and through the bars pressed his dry lips to yours. He closed his eyes, reveling in your proximity, the familiar intoxicating taste of you.You fought to keep still, to appear unaffected. It took him longer to realize that you weren’t participating, than you thought it would.

__

He pressed his forehead to yours.

__

“I love you, Y/n.” He declared, breathing harshly. “Don’t you forget it.”

__

You raised one eyebrow attempting to seem aloof.

__

“You have been sentenced to life imprisonment.You’ll have all the time in the world to reflect on the atrocities you committed.It’s a fitting punishment for what you’ve done. Wouldn’t you say?"

__

He smiled sadly.

__

“I would much rather die, but they know that, don’t they?”

__

“Mhmm..”

__

He held you as best he could.

__

“They don’t have any mercy to spare where I’m concerned...Why’d they send you to tell me?”He wondered out loud.

__

You pulled away, taking a few steps backwards, so he could see you fully.You placed your hands on your stomach in that soft maternal way, the sick fucks had told you to do.

__

His face fell.

__

“I’m expecting.”

__

“No, no no no no.”

__

“Oh yes...but don’t worry.My baby will have a father.”

__

His eyes narrowed.

__

“Do you remember those little chats we used to have?”

__

He nodded, hanging on your every word.

__

“I told you about the man I was seeing, the cop with the bright blue eyes...”

__

Negan shook his head in denial.

__

“Fate has brought him back into my life. Can you believe that? I mean what were the chances, that the man to take you down, would be the only man that I have ever loved, Rick Grimes?”

__

Negan dropped to his knees. His eyes were wide pools of vulnerability.You could see hurt in them like a gaping wound.

__

“Have a nice life. I know I will.” You turned away.

__

Darryl gave you a begrudging nod of approval on your way out.

__

You had never hated yourself as much as you did in that moment.

__


	9. The Knowing

Rick Grimes volunteering to act as a sort of probation officer on your behalf had made all the difference to Darryl, Carol, Michonne, and Maggie.The council decided that you were to spend the next ten years in Alexandria proving that you repented having been in league with The Saviors.

You would have been content to keep your relationship platonic but nostalgia, attraction, and loneliness gave Rick a renewed interest in you.You skirted around the issue for a while, but the baby in your womb began wreaking havoc on you hormones and going through the pregnancy alone became increasingly difficult.Your will weakened a bit each time he called you beautiful, carried something for you, or helped you up the stairs.One cold and lonely night, he invited you into his bed and you had been sleeping beside him ever since.You weren’t miserable spending your nights with Rick, but the love between you was very different from what you felt for Negan.

Tanya and Frankie had stuck around for a few years, but they grew tired of the quiet life in the small Virginian town.Their departure was a relief to you.They only reminded you of who you had been during your time at The Sanctuary, or rather who’s you had been.Negan was your world and without him you felt as though time had stopped.

Still, life happened all around you.You could see time passing in the increased number of smiles you got from members of the community as they came to accept you as one of their own.You could see it in your children’s faces as Carl became a broad shouldered young man and Judith and Gemma-Marie became tomboyish elvin faced little girls.You loved them all dearly. Taking care of a family kept you tethered when you felt like you were floating in space.

You could not bare to think of Negan for too long, it caused you immediate pain.You tried time and again to give yourself fully to Rick, but in the recesses of your mind a voice whispered _wait_ and though you didn’t know what you were meant to be waiting for, you obeyed.

“Hello, Sweetheart.”

Strong arms wrapped around your tummy, pulling you back against a familiar frame.You allowed him to hold you, but kept working on making supper.

“Hello, Sheriff.”

Rick pressed a kiss to your cheek. 

“How was your day?”

“Good and getting better by the second.“ His nose nuzzled at your jaw. The light brush of his lips against your neck started a heat low in your belly. 

“The kids around?” He murmured.

“No, but we can’t just now.”

“And why not?” He nibbled at your earlobe. 

“Because I am makin’ dinner.”

“You know, I’m not feelin’ that hungry?”

You tipped your head back to look at him and grinned.

The sound of the screen door opening was followed by quick footsteps you were sure would be Carl’s.

“Fiiine, I can wait till dessert.” Rick waggled an eyebrow at you playfully and kissed the tip of your nose.

“We can’t find the girls.” Enid announced without preamble.

Your smile faded.

“What’s the last place you saw them?” Rick asked.

“They were playing hide and seek by the church and-and we looked everywhere. Carl’s checking at the nearest houses-“

“Everything’s gonna be alright. We’ll find them.” He took your hand in his and together you set out to find your kids.

The closer you got to the church the louder your heart drummed in your ears. Fear and anxiety had their hold on you, your ability to rationalize twisting in their tight grip with each passing minute. You asked your friends and neighbors, but it seemed no one had seen hide nor hair of the missing girls. 

Rick, Carl, Enid, and you split up taking a couple of streets a piece. 

They had to be here somewhere. You reasoned with your frantic heart. There was no way they could have left the development.

The fence is guarded, the walls are too high for little girls to climb.

You told yourself, eyes welling with tears.

Your feet came to a halt at the sight of a particular building. Like a compass always pointing to the north, your life here seemed to revolve around this fixed point. The white faux colonial townhouse itself was unassuming. It was your knowledge of the man imprisoned in the cellar bellow that shook you to your core.

Your jaw clenched. 

You resolved to pass by quickly lest you become caught by his gravitational pull.

_**He pressed his forehead to yours. “I love you, Y/n.” He declared, breathing harshly. “Don’t you forget it.”** _

You dug your fingernails into your palms at the memory of the last time you saw him.

 _ **My baby. She’s missing.**_ You forced yourself to take one step forward, another and another. The trill of a child’s laughter drifted to your ear. 

You paused for a moment, listening. Nothing.

You cupped your hands around your mouth and called out.

“Judith? Gemma?”

Not a sound. Your eyes scanned the area cautiously.

“Nooo”

That little voice… Judith’s voice sounded close.

“Judith?”

Your gaze flitted from place to place, searching as you ambled along the street.

“Yuh-huh!”

“Nuh-uh! That’s not what it says! It goes like this,” Your ear caught a strange echoing quality to the sound this time. It was as if they were underground.

You felt as if you’d been punched in the stomach.

This couldn’t be happening.

_**Oh please God! Please God!** _

Your frantic prayer unanswered, you ran forward propelling your body down the set of stone steps that led to the cellar.

Tears rolled down your cheeks as you threw open the door.

“Bout damn time somebody found these kids. They’ve only been here all afternoon.” His gruff voice intoned in annoyance.

You couldn’t help your sharp intake of breath at hearing your husband’s voice for the first time in years. Keeping your eyes fixed on the two little girls playing patty cake crossed legged on the floor did nothing to stop the aching in your chest.

“Mommy!” Gemma cried excitedly.

“Y/n?” Hearing him say your name was agony. You tried blinking away the tears in your eyes, tried to ignore the sore throbbing of your heart.

“Hey, Sugar.” You held your trembling arms out to your daughter.

She jumped happily into them.

“Y’all gave us a scare! You know you aren’t allowed down here.” You chastised holding Gemma in one arm and ushering Judith out the door with the other.

You could feel Negan’s eyes on you. It took every bit of your will power not to make eye contact with him.

“But Momma we wanted to show our friend how to play pattycake.” Judith protested gesturing toward the love of your life.

You shook your head not wanting to hear another word.

“Have you missed me, Dollface?” He inquired halfheartedly.

“We have to go now, Judy.” You took her hand into yours and tugged her gently toward the door.

“I’ve been missing you like crazy.”

“But you haven’t met my new friend!” She nodded toward the jail cell.

“Sweet Lord Jesus” You murmured, steering her toward the staircase.

“How old are you?” Negan asked suddenly.

“Five.” Gemma-Marie stretched out her hand at him.

“I’m eig-“

“Don’t answer that!” You snapped.

Judith looked at you quizzically.

You pursed your lips and pointed at the steps.

“Bye!” She called over her shoulder to him and began to ascend the stairs.

“Can I see her?” 

You winced at the note of desperation in his voice. 

As if in-tranced by his voice, you found yourself standing at the door to his cell. His eyes met yours before they scanned over your body. You drank in his countenance. He was thinner now than before. His beard had grown out, his hair was shorter and much grayer. You felt no less attracted to him than you had on the day you met.

“You look good, Baby. Real good.”

Your heart stuttered in your chest. 

His gaze drifted to the little girl in your arms.

“She’s beautiful.”

The tears you’d been fighting slipped silently down your cheeks.

“She has your eyes.” You whispered.

Negan smiled sadly.

“What’s her name?”

You cleared your throat.

“Gemma-Marie.”

“Gemma-Marie.” He repeated quietly.

You turned to leave and found you couldn’t let his question go unanswered.

“Every day.” You answered solemnly.

He raised an eyebrow in question.

“I miss you every single day.” You reiterated.

Negan’s breath hitched.

“But you said…” Words of protest poured from him unbidden.

“I did what I had to do.” You interrupted.

He shook his head in disbelief. 

“Y/n?” Rick called from the street.

Negan ran an impatient hand over his hair.

“We are not even close to fucking finished talking about this.” 

“I know.” You looked to the stairs, sighing anxiously.

“I will find the right time to visit.” You vowed.

“Sure you will.” He scoffed with bitterness.

You wanted to convince him that you were serious, but felt intensely aware that Rick was waiting for you. You didn’t want to find out what he’d do if he caught you down here.

When you reached the top of the stairs, Enid and Judith were waiting hand in hand.

Rick watched you emerge, but rather than begin to lay into you his blue eyes filled with sympathy. He pulled you into a hug.

“They’re safe now, Honey. They’re safe.” He reassured you, comforting you.

Carl took Gemma from your arms and together the five of you headed home.

Later that night, you lay in bed replaying the events of that day. Reason willed you not to mourn the man you had once loved.Reason begged you to forget the ghost inhabiting the jail cell in the cellar.Your heart had other plans.

Little more than a day had passed before a rare opportunity presented itself.You noticed something strange on your morning walk. While it wasn’t unusual for Rick to be gone all day over seeing the construction of the bridge, it was strange not to see any of the council in Alexandria. You leapt at the opportunity. With your children in school until noon, you had nothing but prying eyes to watch for as you strolled down the main street.

No one seemed to be guarding the building. As you descended the stairs to the basement your pulse quickened.You stepped through the doorway half expecting an Alexandrian to catch you by the arm and turn you in as a traitor, but it didn’t happen.

“You came back.”

You turned toward the sound of his voice like a flower seeking the light of the sun.

“I said I’d find a time to visit, didn’t I?”

“All things considered, I wasn’t expecting you for another five years or so.”

He heard your sharp in take of breath and bared his teeth in victory.

“So how are you liking that nice fuckin’ life of yours, Mrs.Prick? Is it all peaches and cream or did Mr. Not so fucking tall Not so fucking dark and Not so fucking handsome turn out to be not so fuckin’ perfect?”

“I didn’t come here to fight.” You replied softly, your fingers smoothing over the fading orange ribbon at your wrist.

“You know what I can’t figure out?”

“What?” You asked, a thrill of joy going through you as your eyes feasted on the sight of him.

His hands wrapped around the bars of his cell, knuckles going white.

“If Rick Grimes meant so damn much to you, why the fuck did you dump him in the first place?”

You took a step back.

“You know what? I’d rather not hear whatever bullshit justification you pull out of your ass.”

“Negan!”

“Just tell me one thing,is that Dudley Do Right Mother Fucker treating my kid like she’s his own blood? If you are letting him mistreat my child so help me,Y/n I will-“

“I can not believe this shit! You’ve been sitting in here with nothin’ to do for years and this is all you could come up with? I told you, they made me sell you those bullshit lines.Don’t you think our daughter should get to have at least one of her parents?”

His brow furrowed.

You glanced over your shoulder at the doorway nervously.

Finding no one there, you knelt on the concrete.

“I am still Negan.”

He flinched at your declaration.

“Stand up!”

“No.”

“You’re kneeling for a fucking loser, a failure.The Sanctuary doesn’t exist anymore.” He hissed.

“I am kneeling for my leader, my husband, the love of my life.”

Negan cursed under his breath.

“You are my sanctuary. I can be your people, your savior to command. We don’t need anything else.”

You watched as he covered his face with his hands and stepped away from the bars.

“What the fuck?” He demanded. “What in the ever loving fuck are you saying?!”

You rose from the ground and turned away, eyes searching for a key.

“What, You’re leaving?” He huffed watching you walk away from his cell.

You took a ring of keys off the rusty nail they were hung on and strode to the door.

“What are you-“

The first key didn’t work nor the second.

Your heart sank for a moment as you considered the possibility that Rick or Daryl might carry the key you needed on their person.

When the fourth key turned in the lock, your anxiety began to ebb.

The door swung open with ease.

Negan’s eyes widened as you stepped into his cell.

“You should go home, before he realizes you’re missing.” His gaze slid slowly over you.

“I’m already home.”

As if by magic the walls that time and separation had erected between you came crumbling down.You found yourself moving towards him.

His arms were around you in an instant.He held you close, so close you shared his breath. You did not remember consciously deciding to get undressed, but in the second you realized you were bare before him, his lips found yours.

Negan followed your movements as you lay down on the threadbare single mattress. The only effort he made toward discarding his own clothing was to unbutton his pants and pull out his engorged cock. He covered your body with his, entering your aching pussy with one swift merciless thrust.The euphoria of being so intimately reunited caused you to cry out.The emptiness in your heart only ceased it’s aching when Negan was fully inside you.Your voracious mouth kissed, licked, and scattered bite marks over the expanse of his chest.His reaching fingers found purchase at the roots of your hair. Nothing outside of your need for him seemed real. The days and night spent apart were, but a nightmare concocted by your own mind.

“God how I’ve needed you, needed this.” You confessed against the corner of his jaw, his throat.

Fueled by the need to remind him of the indisputable claim you had on him, your hips met his harsh thrusting with a brutal gyration of their own.

“I dream about you, Baby. I can’t hardly believe this is real.”

“Oh it’s real. I’m real.” You nipped at his lower lip.

His large hands seized your ass.Short nails scored your flesh as you clenched around his length.

The guttural moan he emitted in response had your juices dripping down his shaft.

Your mind devolved into a sultry haze of sensation.

He quickened the pace, driving into you with ferocity.Your needy whimpering and panting breath echoed.The basement amplified the lewd sounds of your frantic love making.Intense pleasure, overtaking your senses, you held onto him.

“Y/n,” Negan called your name as he came, “Y/n.” 

An overwhelming ecstasy unfurled within you.Your body quaked in exaltation, your mind muddling as you rode the high of a rapturous orgasm.

“Don’t cry, Doll.” He murmured suddenly.

He did his best to kiss away the tears you hadn’t noticed were falling from your eyes.He helped you to get comfortable beside him. 

“I’m right here.”

Your sorrow once acknowledged, could not be ignored.You covered your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stifle your sobbing as Negan’s hand stroked down your back.The affectionate gesture was meant to comfort, but the reality of your situation made it devastating.

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.” You admitted. “Somedays I think about what I’m going to tell her when she’s old enough to figure out that we live with the man who put you here. I can’t picture having that conversation without you there to defend yourself.”

“What difference does it make? She’s going to learn about me through rumors she hears from other kids. She might have heard somethings about me already.”

You stared up at him aghast.

“She’s only five!”

He frowned.

“Are you tellin’ me she doesn’t spend time around other kids yet? Doesn’t pick up bits of knowledge from being exposed to people outside of your household?”

“Oh Good Lord.”

He chuckled a little at that.

You began to smile listening to his laughter, but the sound of shouting out on the street interrupted.

You sat up and quickly began to dress.

“What in the hell…” Negan stood by the vent sized barred window that faced the street.

You turned towards him warily.

“I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again.” The truth of the statement weighed heavy on your heart.

He took both of your hands in his.

“Do you remember what I said to you when they put me in here?”

You looked into his hazel and honey eyes and nodded.

“I love you.” You murmured.

“Until my last breath.” He vowed solemnly and stalled your sorrow with a fervent kiss.

The shuffle of shoes on pavement forced you to break the embrace.

“You’d better get the kid and head on home, Doll.” Negan advised reluctantly.

Tears streaming down your face, you left his cell.Careful though you were to replace the ring of keys, you did not lock him in. Part of you hoped desperately that he would take the chance to escape.


End file.
